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Parenting Issues Message Board

Parenting Issues Board Index

Well, I've read all the responses on here, and while I think there is merit in what a lot of people have said about making sure a stepchild is included as part of a stepfamily, I still stick with what I originally said - it's your body, and your house. I agree with the other posters that she shouldn't be made to feel excluded -- but I don't think that necessarily equals not having her around after the baby is born. I can't speak from experience, because I'm pregnant with #1, but I think that if I had other children and was getting ready to have a new baby, I would make sure the other kids were on vacation with grandma or something when I got home from the hospital - at least for a few days so I could have some peace & quiet. When my own mother had twins 3 years after I was born, I got to have a special week with my Aunt & Uncle who lived in the city. I had a great time, and when I got hoom, Mom was ready for me. There will be plenty of opportunities for helping out with the new baby - diapering, playing, etc. - but I don't think that needs to happen in the first week of life, especially when you're recovering from major abdominal surgery.

Also, given the visitation schedule you have, I don't think it would be as fun for her to spend time with you when you're not up for giving her 100% of your attention. I don't agree that an 8 year old will automatically "LOVE" the new baby - in fact, she'll probably think it's a big pain that she has to be quiet, and may even balk at having extra responsibilities. Not that this is OK behavior, I'm just saying I think there's an equal chance she would feel this way.

Anyway, it is a delicate situation, and care must definitely be taken to ensure that no one's feelings are hurt. I think that DH - her dad - needs to have a 'grown up' talk with his daughter and make sure she fully understands the house rules when she does visit with new baby there. Maybe he can even spend some alone time with her when she visits, so you can rest a bit - especially if your mom is there to help out. That's my 2 cents.

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