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Parenting Issues Message Board


Parenting Issues Board Index


Dawn,
It's OK to have High Expectations for your daughter, I so know how you feel.
I'm the mom who's son was arrested at 3:30AM driving without a license, had to pick him up at the Police Station, go to court, he was on probation for 3 months - I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown, I was so let down. I cried for a few days straight and kept asking where did I go wrong.
I thank god, he was not on drugs, was not drunk, did not get into an accident but chose to do a very stupid stupid teenage thing...
My expectations of him going to a IVY league :) college also went down the drain - he went from a straight A student to C's & D's...awww, the fighting, agruing, lectures, snooping, ;) and grounding him....
But, I NEVER give up, I continue to talk talk talk, lecture lecture lecture and snoop snoop snoop...

Some girls your daughters age DO talk with their parents, but Parents too have to listen to their teenagers, regardless if it's good or bad what they tell us. We must stand by them, guide them and help them make right decisions.
They will fight you along the way, you'll be pulling your hair out...But, no matter what they need structure and guidence, even if they tell you NO.

I have two older sisters and they two have Wonderful daughters who gave them no trouble in their teenage years. They are all doing well in good selected colleges...WE can't keep comparing, we have to help the ones we got. :) Don't worry about it falling on deaf ears - THEY DO LISTEN, they really really do....Sometimes I hear my son tell his friends he can't go out for the evening because he's grounded...He just needs a night to chill out from his friends but of course.....Doesn't Want to TELL THEM THAT, he rather tell them I grounded him for something stupid he did. :)

I'm just rattling on here to give you support and let you know you're not alone. My son is 16 1/2 now, driving, has his own car, hasn't gotten a job yet; but he's ready to take his SAT's and we are looking at colleges...

He's no angel but we talk alot whenever and wherever - I'm alittle shocked sometimes, I think he likes to do that to me, but he knows what's right and what's wrong...I pray he stays away from drinking & driving and he knows that since he does go to parties...I always ask him about these parties and from what he tells me (for the most part)

YOU have not done a LOUSY job, you have done a great job, it's just that NOW you have a TEENAGER who is changing with hormones going on, peer pressure and all sorts of things....

Try if you can to tell your husband that you would really like to handle this situation the way you see fit and that HE needs to TRUST your mother insticts on this....Allow your daughter to have friends over, take her and her friends to the Mall, dinner, movies tag along even if she doesn't want you there...Are you close to any of the girlfriends mothers? Where you can all hang out? I'm not saying to become her friend but continue to be her mother,
start doing those cute mom & daughter things...That you both will enjoy, she may be mad at first or say she doesn't want to hang with you, but do it anyways, get a Facial together, massage, your nails done in all these places your daughter will start having fun with you, enjoy your company, brag to her girlfriends what mom is doing with her and you will be chit chatting with her and learn what's going on in her life and her friends life...

My son and I go out to dinner once a week, or spend some mom/son time and I find out alot about what he and HIS friends are doing.....AND I still SNOOP... :jester:
I know I've posted this this in the past but I agree its a new era since you were her age. And things have done a 180 since the 60's. I mean look at the news? People are fighting for gay marriage and there are videos being advertised for "Girls gone wild" on tv all times of the day. There is no sheilding her from this. I know you have probably taken actions against your daughter already but I dont think it will change her.

She just wont keep a diary of what she does anymore. And like a lot of the other posters have mentioned she will get sneaky and how will you know then?

My parents werent strict. But they had guidlines too. I wasnt allowed at parties if no parents were home. I wasnt allowed to have boys over without adult supervision, I wasnt allowed to have boys in my room even with adults home, I couldnt go to a boys unless his parents were home ect...

But once I reached your daughters age my dad had given me the run down on what can happen at a party if your there without adults. How men/young men can take advantage of you, and you can end up in a bad situation that could be harmful to yourself. He even told me if this ever happened that I could call at any time no matter what time it was and he'd come get me. He'd rather me be honest about where i was and get the heck outta there vs. staying and being afraid of what my parents will do. Deal with that later. I learned a lot of lessons on my own. But I always kept the useful info from my parents in the back of mind.





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