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Parenting Issues Message Board


Parenting Issues Board Index


DawnP
I think that you have every right to be concerned I know I would. I cant tell you how you should handle this, however, I will tell you how I deal with my children. I have 6 kids 3 of my own and 3 stepchildren. There ages range from 18 to 4. We have 4 boys and 2 girls. I really think boys are easier to raise then girls, but that might just be my family. I taught my kids since they were big enough to talk that everything in our house is my business including them. I am responsible for them therefore I will look at anything I find. They except this. When I do find something disturbing I dont go crazy. We sit down and talk about what it is that they have done or said. There may or may not be groundation depending on the circumstance. Our 18yr a few of years ago (when he was 15) had sex with a girl and she called saying she was pregnant (after he broke up with her) I made her mom take her to the doctor with me present and you guessed it she wasn't. I didn't let him know right away. After all we had to plan on how he was going accept his actions for being a man. We made him get a job, he had to put the money in the bank for child support. We made him tell us everything he was going to do etc... We haven't had that problem since and he still has the same job LOL. He makes straight A's and graduates this year. I randomly drug test my kids with the tests you can buy at Rite-Aid. They are about $50.00 a test but they test for everything. My kids also accept this as I have told them I was going to do this since they were about 9 years of age. No positives as of yet. I dont keep any alcohol in the house because we simply dont drink. I have had 1000's of talks with my boys and my 12 year old girl about sex. I have explained everything from being used as a girl to being trapped as a boy. I have taught them about every std that is known to man. I am also realistic and know that they are going to be sexually active one day. I have told my boys to come to me if and when they think are ready to have sex and their dad will buy them condoms. I let them know I dont agree with them being sexually active but that they need to be safe. I tell them even if the girl says she is on the pill that without protection they can still get std's and she could still get pregnant if she doesn't take her pills right or lies to him about taking them. My daughter knows all the tricks that a boy can pull to get her to have sex with him and that she is the only one that can give anyone access to her body. I have let her know that if she ever feels that she cares enough about someone that she wants to have sex with him to come to me we will get on the pill (actually the shot) and that she also needs to make sure the boy uses a condom. One of our 14yr boys I believe is gay. He told one of our friends daughters that he was. We have not confronted him about this. Regardless if he is experimenting or if he will be gay for the rest of his life that is not what we want for him at the same time we want him to make the decision.We will still love him. The love for a child should be unconditional. We are afraid to confront him. If he is gay and feels pressured he might date a girl and live a lie for many years and end up hurting her and or their kids. If we tell him we will still love him then he might not be able to make up his mind whether he is gay or not. We have chosen to stay silent and wait for him to come to us. My 12yr daughter she is in therapy. She has anxiety which runs in our family lol (She got it from me) She is beautiful and I'm not saying that because she is my daughter she really is. In her mind she thought she was dumb and not pretty. We have always told her she was smart and beautiful so I dont know where she got that. Since being in therapy she is a different child. I agree with you if you think you daughter needs therapy then get it. GO with your gut instinct. I think the most important thing a parent can do is have open communication. If a child can talk to you about almost anything then you can help protect them. Me I would tell my daughter I saw her diary even if it meant lying and saying I was looking for a sheet of paper and ran across it. I would sit down and talk to her about every issue. I would stay calm and not yell or get the least bit upset. I would let her tell you why she has done the things she has done and ask her how she feels about the things she has done. I would put her in therapy but I would explain that it's not because I think she horrible child but that it might be easier for her to tell a therapist what she is feeling. I would do this only if I saw a self esteem issue or depression etc.. I dont let my children babysit our 4yr old. In college several years ago I was taught that most children that are molested are molested by there siblings or another family member. Dont get me wrong my children have never given me any reason to think that but my motto is better safe then sorry. I hire a babysitter if we go anywhere or I take her with me. My parents never trusted me and I'm glad they didn't because that kept me from doing anything bad because I knew they would find out. I have turned out to be a decent human being and all I can do is try to be a good mom. There is no book on parenting just do your best and you will not have any regrets. LMG





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