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Parenting Issues Message Board

Parenting Issues Board Index

I also have a 14 year old daughter who is driving me crazy! Last Saturday night, her and her best friend snuck out of the house at 1 in the morning. My husband and I discovered them missing and went out looking for them. We called her friends parents and we found them walking towards home. Thank god there were alright. Of course, they are both grounded and in major trouble. Since she's been home for 2 days so far, she has been acting much better. We'll see how long it lasts. I told her how dangerous it was, and it's my job to protect her. And she's being punished because we love her. She seems to understand that, and has been respectful, and not resentful. Maybe you could take that approach with your daughter. Tell her you love her and don't want her to ruin her life. That smoking is a serious health risk and everything else she's doing is a risk to her well-being. Also, you have to pick your battles. I wouldn't worry so much about her room being a mess. My daughters is also. I just keep the door closed, and if she wants to live in a mess, that's her choice. The attitude problem is normal teenage rebellion. Of course, you can't let it get out of hand. With school, I keep in touch with her guidance counselor about her grades. She'll probably have to go to summer school, which will be a good lesson. I've beat my head against the wall all year trying to get her to do her homework. Nothing worked, now she's going to stay after school to try and get caught up. Everything you do in life has consequences, and if summer school is a consequence of her laziness, oh well, maybe she won't make the same mistakes next year. It sounds like you are so angry, (who could blame you!) that you can't express those positive feelings. What helps me is I look at baby pictures of my daughter and remember how much I love her and want the best for her.

From everyone I talk to, and everything I read, 14 is the hardest age of all for a teenager and parents. If she feels you don't trust her, which I can certainly understand, she will feel like she can do what she wants, since you don't trust her anyway. My advice is, try telling her you want to be able to trust her again, you know deep down inside she is a good kid. I find if I take my daughter for a ride in the car, its a good way to communicate. There are no distractions, and we really talk.

I hope all this helps, remember you are not alone!

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