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Parenting Issues Message Board


Parenting Issues Board Index


Purplerain,

Wow, hang in there. Your daughter sounds like my youngest brother --10 year difference in our age. He as pure hell. I remembe being at college when he started on his rollercoaster. My parents finally got frustrated. Here's some things that they did. He started at 14. He's now 21 and much hasn't changed. ---he smoked, failing grades/skipped school, lied, cheated, stole, ect..you name it he did it.

Solutions for dirty room --take the door off the hinges--who needs privacy with a room that mess.

Dirty clothes my mom was frustrated with them all over the floor. She left my brother with two weeks of clothes underwear, socks, ect. We had a washing machine and he was could wash them when he wanted. At first she picked them up and locked them in the trunk of her car. Being a smarty one night when she went to bed he went out the car and got then out. She got smarter and came home during lunch...cleaned the closet and donated them to the Salvation Army.

Smoking--it's your home, you pay the bills and you'll go through her stuff when you want and when you please. My brother did more than cigarettes it was weed. So my mom did what she called the "sweep". She'd go through the room and tear it apart under mattress, closets, drawers, ect..her logic it's my home and you are engaging in illegal activities that puts our family at risk.

Phone--she unplugged all the phones in the house and put then in her trunk. She's at work during the day and if there's an emergency call her there or on her cell. She'd put the phone back in the evening..in her bedroom.

Stealing--my brother would steal you if he could carry you away. My parents put locks on both their closets doors. Also they stopped giving him money/allowance. Any thing he wanted he'd have to work with my dad on the weekends.

Sneaking out late a night/breaking curfew --My parents bought a deadbolt lock for the front and back doors. If he left, then he'd be left out in the cold. My brother spent many of nights sleeping in our family swing. (sometimes I felt bad and would leave the my car door unlocked in the winter and he could sleep in there). Got to the point he had a blanket and pillow wrapped in a trashbag. but he know the rules.

Finally, my brother got beside himself and yelled back at my mom and got in her face. The next thing I knew my dad had punch him in the face and told him he would never disrepect them. Corrected his behavior for a couple of months.

He started again and my parents put him out at 17. My parents logic was to many grown people can't live in the same house. Being that they pay all the bills he needed to leave and make his own way.

He's 21 now and not much as changed but he doesn't live with them. However talk to your daughter because her behavior can end her up in jail. My brother spent 2 years in prison. Also, I think all the things he did during his teenage years didn't surprise them but my mom felt a sense of relief. However, my mom has stated that him being gone has been the best sleep that she's gotten in awhile at least she knows where he is. She was so tired and stressed out behind his behaviour. It takes a toll on the family. It takes time away from the other kids when you constantly have to keep an eye on one.

Honestly, I think kids can do so much to a parent that when something goes down the parents could careless/unconcerned what happens to them because they are worn out by the events that happen during the teenage years.

Any good luck...maybe some serious tough love... Funny all my dad had to do was yell at me and I'd cry. Kids are of a different breed these days.





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