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Parenting Issues Message Board

Parenting Issues Board Index

If you're daughter is having sex be thankful that she's practicing safe sex. A lot of kids don't these days. I'm sure it's always shocking for a parent to find out their teen is sexually active but the best thing to do is remain calm and ask her to sit down for an adult conversation about sex. Don't "confront" her...sit down as mother and daughter and have a frank heart-to-heart. DO NOT admit to snooping through her room. That will shake any trust she has in you.

Kiera1595 gave great advice and I can't really add a whole lot to it. Tell her that you will make condoms available to her and you should discuss getting her on some birth control as well. It may seem like you're condoning her actions but what you are really doing is protecting her from unwanted pregnancy and STDs. If she wants to have sex she is going to whether you like it or not. At least this way there will be some trust and openess between the two of you and she will more than likely come to you with any problems she may have in the future.
Let me tell you from my experience. All of the previous posters are right. My experience with my mom were not as great as those who previously posted. I too took two of my parents condoms. My mom first "found" a letter I had wrote to my boyfrind talking about our first encounter with sex. She snooped my entire room read my diary, found another condom, beat my butt & grounded me from looking at a single boy for a long time. Never once was I told "at least you were smart enough to use protection". All that did was make me want to have more sex, be with boys, go behind my parents backs & be scared of confiding in them. What I wish my parents would have done was not snoop & respect my privacy, be confident of the information they had given me about sex & know that I used their advice about staying protected. I know that sex before marriage is a no no, but these days it is rare for people to be a virgin until marriage. I don't say people are ready for sex at 15, but neither are some 25 & 30 year olds. If you are confident as a mother that you have given all the information that your daughter needs about sex, then a confrontation is not necessary. A heart to heart may be all you need to change her mind about what she is doing & just review everything you have already taught her about sex. Maybe your daughter will rethink things. If she doesn't just let her know that she can come to you. There are other things that my mother has done that has made me uncomfortable about going to her, but when it came to sex, nothing made me want to go to her for anything because of the way it was handled. My mothers threats didn't even phase me, boy did I ever sneak around. So, no matter what you do, she may keep doing it. That's why you need to keep that communication open. She'll shut down if you confront her negatively, I sure did. Maybe if my mother would have done things differently, I would maybe be able to confide in her today. The mother daughter bond is so important. 2 years after I got married, my husband & I got pregnant. I was 22 years old & scared to tell my mom. Remember to think before you speak, that would have to be my best advice in handling this. Good luck

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