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Thank you for the hug and the pat on the back, you don't know how much it means to me. Although, I am no hero in any fashion, I am just an ordinary mother trying not to crack under the pressure and make sure my little guy doesn't see me scared, confused, hurt, angry and depressed. For if he sees all of that, he may think that he is the one that made me feel that way and I can't have that. Under the same circumstances, you would do the same, you may not think so now, but you would. You would know in your heart and in your head that you have to be strong, or appear to be, for your children.
As far as my husband goes, he is here, sometimes. He works a lot. He keeps very odd hours. Sometimes he goes to work in the morning, sometimes at night. Some days he only works 5 or 6 hours, some days he works 18 to 20. Lately, it has been more of the 18 to 20 hours, then he comes home and gets a shower, takes about a 3 to 4 hour nap and goes back to work. He is a foreman at a company that goes and works on floors in bigger industrial companies. He is just as affected by this whole situation as I am, but he is hardly ever here for us to talk about it. He always tells me that no matter what I think, I am not doing this all alone, like I feel I am, he is still here, just working a lot. Sometimes I use my 16 year old son as my sounding board. This has affected him badly as well. We have all come together, as a family, and are all trying to be strong and understanding to my little guys agitation and outbursts, which are many and horrific.
As you can see by the time stamp on this post, I am still not sleeping. Here it is almost 4 AM and I am sitting here on the computer. Every time I close my eyes, my mind starts racing, I hate that. I still can't hardly eat, I have dropped quite a bit of weight, almost 20 lbs in the past 4 weeks. not a good way to drop the weight.
Thank you again for your reply, it really means a lot to me.
Keep a close eye on those children of yours.
Take care and give your boys an extra hug from me, please {{{ }}}

Oh dear! You are up late! I just admonished a friend of mine in England for still being up a half an hour ago, I'm thinking you must be across the pond over there too somewhere hun! LOL. I'm here in the states, but feels late now too because i've only had 4 hours sleep myself last night...Like I said, I joined this board for different reasons but your thread beaconed me like a light and looks like I'll be glued here til the end! (I am finding the parenting posts interesting too, so that is good thing :) ). I do envy the weight loss though...My depression meds in recent years have definitely packed on the pounds...I know you are too down to eat and too upset, but maybe if you look at it differently--that you need to keep your strength up to stay strong for your son, that you need to eat...At least eat something healthy every day even if you aren't hungry. Fruit and veggies.

I hope you're right, I hope I would be able to be strong too. So often I've thought how awful it would be if someone did something like that to one of my kids and how much I would hate them and want to do them harm. I'm just really admiring you now hun. Really am because I think you are doing the right thing. So you just keep on keepin on, doing what you're doing. Your family unit sounds good...I hope you didn't think i was implying your husband wasn't doing his part, I was just concerned you were doing it all alone. Your 16 year old must be quite a young man, helping out as he is as well. Wanted to add too that both of my boys have learning disabilities, one more than the other, speech/language delay and another with motor skill delays so I know a bit about the special schools and special needs, but not to any extent that you do...Just that you sort of feel an extra need to take care of them...because they are more "special"? Does that make sense? I don't want anyone to make fun of my kids I guess is what I'm trying to say and I want them always to be happy and things to be good. Oh sorry this isn't coming out well. I'll stop. LOL. Just meant that I sort of know how you feel about some of the therapies and things you are dealing with.

Hope to hear some good news from you soon. Keep us posted! I think everyone is waiting on pins and needles. I know i am!!! Thanks for the hugs for my boys. Loads back to you and yours!!!!!


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