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Parenting Issues Message Board

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This is the attitude I have cheryl....I am a 22yr old female and I still live with my parents. I know that my sound insane at my age but I am going to college and will be getting married in a year, my parents dont want my boyfriend and I to live together until we are married so it is okay with them if i live here until then, my boyfriend is not allowed to sleep over.

As for you daughter of 18. My parents always told me this "as long as your living under my roof you will live by my rules and if you dont like it then move out" Here are a few ideas that may help.

If your daughter has a key to the house I suggest you take it from her until she is more responsible and reliable. Let her know when cerfew is if she isnt home by that time let her know the doors will be locked, and the lights will be off and she better plan on sleeping somewhere else. My parents gave me a cerfew of 1am or 2 on the weekends when i was that age, sometimes later because I actually respected my parents and they're decisons.

Having boys over without adults was not allowed, and having them in my room while they were home was still a no no. We had to stay in the family room, kitchen..."high traffic" areas really.

Does your daughter have her own car? If not then I suggest you put the clamp down on that asap. If she's 18 and feels she has a right to do whatever, whenever for however long then let her know she's 18 and she can get a job to get her own car, that yours is now out of commision to her since she is an "adult" and cannot respect your rules.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT give her any money unless she earns it! She has a job she should be responsible and go to her job, make her own money, earn her money for gas ect...if she needs some money to go to the mall, store, this or that tell her no. I have had a job since I was 16 and have been paying for my own car, cell phone, medical bills, prescriptions, clothes ect since then, granted my parents do help me out from time to time without me asking, I take care of my things with MY money. As should your daughter.

I think the main thing here is she has to understand that just because she is 18 doesnt mean she can walk all over you. Respect is a very important thing. And having a bond with my mother is one of the best feelings in the world. I dont know if it's she in the wrong crowd or if she's always been around someone that is a bad influence but lying since she was little is terrible...

Sit down and talk to her, without any friends there. I wouldnt suggest bashing her friends since all that will do is make her more angry. Let her know you are putting your foot down since this is still your house. Agree w/her that she is "legally" considered an adult now, but that doesnt mean she can disrespect your household rules. If she isnt comfortable with the way things go then suggest to her it's time for her to search for her own place to live. That would be a real wake up call, having to pay rent, by your own shampoo, toilet paper, dish soap! The basics! The bills add up fast.

Oh yes! and if she has a cell phone, and you are paying for the bill, let her know that when the contract ends (if in your name) that you will not be re-newing it if she wants her own phone she can pay for the bills. I doubt the phone is in her name already if she has one since she more then likely has no credit built up.

Good luck cheryl, just be firm and stick to your guns on evrything. Remind her that if she thinks she's an adult then its time to start acting like one! Good luck I hope I gave you some helpful info!

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