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Parenting Issues Message Board

Parenting Issues Board Index

When I was 17 going on 18 I was not following the rules and was dabbling in pot and some drugs. Mostly because of who I was hanging around. My mom and step-dad gave me the ultimatum. Either shape up or I am out. I did not fully understand the complexity of this scenerio. Mostly I thought "Cool - no one will boss me around anymore - I can do whatever I want." So, I did not shape up and I had to move out. It was fun at first, a friend of mine left home with me and we wandered around in my car going to parties and spending the night with random party guys. We did not have jobs or any money -they would buy us the booze/drugs. Or main problem was finding food. We would go to fast food restaurants and say they forgot something in our order. We both came from middle class families so we did not look like vagrants and they gave us food. To make a long story short I was out on my own for two years. There were times I begged to come home promising to change. I was not allowed home. I did end up getting a job and my own appartment for a short while. I lived with ramdom boyfriends for awhile. I was doing more drugs then I ever had living at home. More alcohol too. The guys who would take me in where that type of guy. Druggies! I was hitting rock bottom. One night I told my friend that I was not going to do drugs anymore and that I wanted to go to college and get my life together. She agreed and we made a pact. That pact lasted until she was given some drugs at the party we were attending and she wanted me to join in. I told her "No". We got into a big fight and I have never spoken to her again. I started a slow road to get my life together. After awhile I was allowed to move home. My relationship with my mom was very rocky. I could not forgive her for what she did. I blamed my step-dad for making her do it.

It's been almost 15 years since then and I haven't done any drugs. I have a college degree and great family and a blessed life. I do not know if kicking me out was a good thing or not. I may have learned some life lessons the hard way but I got into a lot of trouble along the way. I know I would not have done the drugs that I did if I had stayed at home. I may have continued dabbling but not as much. I have had long talks with my mom about this and she said she did not know what else to do. I don't know what else she could have done, but I would have liked more support rather than being kicked out. I was crying for help and no one was listening. If they were I don't know if I would have known it but I would have apreciated it later in life.

The one thing I know is that I have decided that i would never do this to my children. I would find away to support them somehow. I would have longs talks. I would ask them what they think they want. I would move them away from bad infuence friends. I would would help them with their self esteem so they would not want to hang out with these loosers. Anything - I would keep trying.

I wish someone back then would have talked to me as a person. Face to face without being patronizing, or blaming or bossy. I would have liked more freedom so I was not always breaking the rules. Maybe sit down with me and come up with some rules together. If I mess up that's a problem but not a kick out problem a punishment problem.

I wish I knew more to say to you. Your story really touches me. I just wanted to share my story. Let me know if you have any questions. I'm sorry you both are going through this. :angel:

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