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Parenting Issues Message Board


Parenting Issues Board Index


You need to ask why your daughter felt the need to steal. Did she not have any money to purchase it? Does she get an allowance, or do chores to earn money? Did she do it in the hopes getting caught and thereby getting the attention that she may secretly desire? Any attention, even negative attention is better than being ignored. She may be competing with the baby for attention.

I see this as a serious wake up call. This probably isn't the first time that she has stolen. The consequences when caught are not good.

I think that you should tell her mother. A discussion with you, her mom and the step dad are in order. Your daughter may be just being used as a baby sitter at home and this is her way of getting back or noticed. She may also be competing for your attention with your girl friend's 14 year old. With kids, they get so jealous of any one taking their parent's attention away from them.

She has a 10 month old at home and does the 14 year old live with you? Is the 14 year old there with you everytime your daughter gets to visit her Dad?

If stealing is due to lack of attention and it does not get fixed in her mind, she can move on to sex, drugs, cutting school, etc. This is where Dad plays a major role. Girls need their father more than their mom once they are teenagers. If the Dad isn't there for them and they feel unloved by him, that is when they seek love from a boyfriend and become sexually active at a young age. They end up going from guy to guy seeking the love and attention that they are not getting from their Dad. Unfortunately no matter how much time Mom gives, it just doesn't matter. At this age, it is Dad who makes the difference in a girl's life.

I hope that this makes sense. Is it possible for you to spend a couple of hours one on one each weekend with your daughter (minus the girl friend and her kid)? Telephone her at night to ask how her day was and what happened in each of her classes? Kids really need to feel that you care and are truly interested in her daily life. Once she knows that her parents reallly care and are interested in her day to day life, she will be less apt to steal, do drugs, have sex for fear of letting you down and looking bad in your eyes, because you care so much about her.

Good luck, I know it is hard when you are divorced, but you can stop your daughter from taking the wrong path. You have all the power and control, you just have to give her more of your time.





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