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I was going to name this confessions of a bad mom, but I don't know if I'm quite to that point. I guess more accurate a title would be confessions of an overwhelmed mom, but I digress...

I have a 9-year-old and a 3-year old. They are both girls. I have been married for 4 years and my oldest is the product of another relationship, and has no contact with her biological father. I raised her alone for 5 years, and did a great job, despite the pitfalls of being a single mom. I have had a difficult time balancing being a wife, and parenting two children so far apart in age. I find that the younger child sucks up the majority of my attention. My oldest has turned out great, but I know I could do better with her. At the end of the day I often realize how little I have seen of her, or how little I have interacted with her.

I have made a big effort to give her more attention and guidance recently. I am much happier about that, as I used to feel horribly guilty at the end of each day. My younger daughter spent the first 2 years of her life constantly sick, and that was really hard on everyone. Then my husband and I separated, which left me depressed and overwhelmed, and I remember fighting to stay patient with the kids. It was hard. The marriage is good now, but I still feel bad for what the kids went through...

I am currently looking for a job, and financially things have been tough. I came to realize that it had been several years since I had taken my 9-year-old to the dentist, which is APPALLING!!! So her teeth are hurting her. I took her and found that she needed 3 fillings and an extraction. I've always made her brush well at home, but we all know that isn't enough. Even with insurance her dental care is going to cost a ton, and I have been switching dentists to find someone who will take payments. The origional dentist said absolutely not, which left me in tears. I know this is my fault. She is hurting and it is my fault. I have an appointment with a pediatric dentist and my mom offered to help pay for her treatments. Though I am relieved, I am still really mad at myself for letting her teeth get this bad. They hurt her alot and it is all my fault. So much was going on and I put it off, and put it off, and now she is in pain. I know that what I need to do is suck it up and learn from this.

I've been making a huge effort to be more involved with the kids lately. I think it has paid off, I feel much better about my relationship with them, but I still feel like such a flake. I wasn't connected enough to them over the past year, and now I am trying to make up for it. I am that mom that forgets to send stuff to school like money or signed papers. Ugh. I'm getting more involved in my oldest's school stuff, and am spending more time doing things with the girls in the evening. Usually I am tired and anxious to get them to bed and then I just crash. Lately I have them in the living room with me talking and watching fun shows together and playing.

I think as a parent it is easy to get overwhelmed, but I am mainly posting here to confess. I don't want to make excuses for the things I put off, or the things I didn't do. I messed up, I was wrong, and I'm going to admit that whole-heartedly. I have made a big effort to do more, and I think I have made progress, but I am going to continually strive to be better. These kids mean more to me than anything, but I dont' think my actions always show it. I didn't really post much about my youngest daughter, because she is good at getting attention (she is very demanding-but that is okay) and I feel like she has gotten the majority of what she needs.

I am lucky. I have 2 great kids and my oldest gets straight A-s. i have gotten myself alot more organized and am following through with things with the kids. They mean more to me than anything else and I am going to remember than every single day. I guess I'm not really looking for advice, because I am capable and I know what to do. I just wanted to lay it all out here. Sometimes I really stink at this. But I can't afford to be a less-than-wonderful parent. At the end of each day, all that really matters is them. Thanks for listening.

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