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Parenting Issues Message Board

Parenting Issues Board Index

It is time to crack down hard! She is going to hate it and maybe hate you, But no one is going to protect her except you. She is still too young to know how to protect herself (in the situations she's putting herself in) Her dad doesn't seem to get the big deal, so it is up to you, mom.

You have to get tough with her dad. YOU have the custody, so YOU make the rules. You aren't asking him to do anything outlandish, you're asking him to help keep your daughter on the right path. If he can't do that, then no more visits until he can get it straight. You want them to spend time together, but not if it's going to affect her life negatively.

Take the phone away! You can get a phone that will only have your number on it so that she has it in case of emergeny and so that you can get a hold of her.

Keep grounding her and stick to it.

Don't take offense...but I would bet money that your daughter is either drinking or doing drugs or both. Maybe she isn't, but that's usually what happens when you hang out with friends like that.

Trust me, I WAS your duaghter. I did everything your daughter is doing. It started when I was 14. Grades went to D's and F's. Skipped school almost everyday. Hung out with the druggies. Did drugs and drank. Slept around. And didn't see what the big deal was...because it was thrilling, I felt cool and I didn't know any better.

The result, I was grounded for almost two years straight with slight breaks in between. The rule...1st mess up, grounded for 1 week. Screw up again before that week was over, now it's 2 weeks grounded. Mess up again, 1 month. Another class ditched, 2 months. At one point I was grounded for 4 months straight. No phone, no friends, no nothing! And the worse part was that I was a total b***h to my parents the entire time that I was stuck at home with them. But they were a rock. Everyday I had to have EVERY teacher sign a sheet of paper saying that I was in class and if I was tardy or not. At the end of each week I had to have EVERY teacher sign a sheet of paper saying what assignments I had turned in that week and what my grade in the class currently was. I hated it, I hated being labeled a "bad" kid. And I hated my parents for doing it to me. But it worked! Almiost every single person I hung out with dropped out of school, went to jail, got a lovely drug habit, etc. I ended up pulling my grades back up to B's and A's. I went to college. I graduated with honors. I have a career, a great husband and two wonderful kids.

My folks knew that I wasn't a bad kid, I was just doing really stupid, bad things. They did everything in their power to help me, and that's what you need to do too. You have to do everything in your power to help your kid. That's your main job above everything. Take it all away and when she starts to earn your trust back and act like a responsible considerate person she can start to get her life back, but she screws up's all gone again. It may take years, it's going to be hell on you (my poor parents are still telling stories 14 years later) but it's what she needs. Don't give up or give in.

I wish you luck...she WILL thank you one day.

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