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Hi, Cristie :wave: Wow am I glad to see you.....I am out of magic potion to make this go alright. Your post was just what I needed because you know what I am going through. It is even worse, Cristie :eek: It always seems to come in threes in my life. My older daughter who I let go off to pursue her dreams with my support & BLESSINGS, well my brother & sister in law have informed us that she had been cutting classes, forging notes and got a call from the student advisor that if she misses one more class she will be expelled and not able to graduate!! She has alSO admitted to using marijuana and my brother was on the phone with me discussing that when the CPS worker was knocking on my door!! Why????? Why me????

My brother, who has my older daughter & has opened his heart & home to my daughter, has a medical conditon called autonomic failure in which his BP will plummet and his pulse race and he gets uncontrollable tremors and a migraine headache.....well I just received a phone call from my SIL saying that an ambulance has been called and he was brought to the hospital. I had a little mini breakdown....I am strong but how much can one person take in one day!!! If anything happens to my brother I will never forgive myself. Why my daughters (who are honor roll students) seem to want to throw away their entire lives with both hands is not understandable??? It's as if they want to sabatage every opportunity that seems to come their way. My older daughter should be hearing anytime now on her college admit.....why she would do such things is beyond my understanding!!

So Goody is spent...almost ready to give up....I have fought hard and feel as if I am all alone against the world that is eating up my girls. I KNOW I am a good mom....but why???? I am strong but this has brought me down to my knees. I am tired.....my girls are lost to me, or so it seems....I do not know what to do anymore other than what I have done.

[QUOTE=crisma] Do you think the problems have anything to do with the boyfriend? Has she given you any clue as to what is going on in her head?[/QUOTE] As far as my younger daughter goes, the problems escalated 100 fold once the boyfriend entered the picture. The lying has been chronic.....little lies like saying her room was clean but it wasn't, that she wasn't on the computer but was......etc. She seems to be all caught up in the new friends she has made here......there are many who have their share of problems and she is the friend who wants to save them all when she needs saving herself!!! ;) Like I said.....the BF has a dying grandpa, his mom has breast cancer and is divorced travelling upstate 4 days a week leaving the boy alone with the dying grandpa...I just learned of this yesterday!!! The BF started about 3 weeks ago and things that have changed for the worse seem to have happened around the same time (being kicked out of the play, grades dropping, behavioral problems etc.)

She's a good kid and I know she misses her Big Sis. They have talked everyday by phone.....but with all that is going on in the last few weeks in each of their lives they haven't. In fact my older daughter wasn't even aware that her sister had lost the lead in the play!!

[QUOTE=crisma]I had read in another one of your posts that she was missing big sis alot.[/QUOTE] Big sis was due to come home for 5 days next week but with her absences those plans had to be cancelled. So my younger daughter must be disappointed.

[QUOTE=crisma]Do you think that has anything to do with it? Maybe it is just a combination of sis leaving, changing schools, and getting a new boyfriend. Maybe she isn't as mature as she thinks she is(like every teenager I have ever known!) and it is all too much to handle.All of these changes would be hard for anyone. But she may not have the maturity to realize that's what is going on.[/QUOTE] Very good points.....I tend to think it is more the BF....when I suggest that we can still go back to her old school she doesn't want to...overall she is happy with her teachers, doing well academically and for the most part socially.....I do tend to think the boyfriend issue is the main problem...she tried to go out with her best "guy" friend which didn't work out and this is the second guy who she seems interested in. They talk about everything but she has proven that she is not mature enough to balance it with school and everyday life decisions. I told her today that I will not pick her freinds for her....that nobody is perfect BUT if a friend or BF affects her academics and overall behavior in a negative way then it [B]will[/B] be limited. I told her that she MUST find a way to be around friends who bring out her best not her worst....and that some of her friends may get into trouble that I expect that to happen but that she is not to follow and must find a way not to. Otherwise I will be forced as her mom to do so.

[QUOTE=crisma]I know the other poster thinks that it is just rebellion, but after getting to know your family some through other posts, I don't think that is it. Something is definently going on. Is she communicating with you at all? Or is she being resentful over her punishement? Maybe the new school isn't going as good as you thought? [/QUOTE] I am glad, Cristie, that you have followed my long saga.....it is tedious to go through it all again but I know that the support here is WONDERFUL and I could really use a good amount of it now. :D

She communicates to some degree.....as a typical teen it almost seems like I have to pull things out of her but once we are on a roll it goes well. This boy says he loves her she has told him that they have been seeing one another for such a short time and she isn't ready to love anyone. She told me they talked about sex and she told him that she is waiting until at least college. They talked about if a girl ever got pregnant and he said he would stick by her.....she told him that there is no 15 year old boy who would do that and she would never put herself or him in that position. I was quite impressed with that & gave her a high five on!! ;) I am shocked that they have talked about such things but I am shocked at alot of things...like when she talks about tampons with her "boy" friends & when I remind her about modesty she blurts out how every other commercial is about them!! :D

She has said that she feels mad alot, she doesn't know why. I told her that these years are difficult, that I wouldn't want to relive them and remember feeling the same but if it ever got bad enough she should talk things out, don't keep things bottled up inside and use the punching bag we got her for Christmas. I also suggested journaling which she has been doing. I know her moods well enough to ask what's up and am able to find out...if not at that particular moment at least within a few hours. So.....the punishment seems to trigger a rebellion and resentment....rather than just taking it she sabatages herself & gets into more trouble. I am sticking to this week's punishment.....but using the time to do mother daughter things like taking in a movie, shop, and go out to lunch hoping to talk more.....the timing couldn't have come at a better time.

[QUOTE=crisma]Kids today are just so sexually explicit. Did I word that right? Do you understand what I am saying? You always here on tv that the teen chat rooms are filled with that kind of thing. I sub alot and some of the things the younger ones say just amaze me! I don't remember my friends and I being like that and I am only 34![/QUOTE] Yes, you worded it perfectly!!! And in rereading things in the IM I saw that it was a game like challenge to see who can come up with the worst sexual questions/statements. But still it bothered me because it was with a boy that wasn't one of her closest friends. The CPS worker read the report that said that her self esteem was diminished with comments such as being called a s-l-u-t and a w-h-o-r-e- by her dad. My husband said that the IM was extremely slutty and somebody could perceive her as a w-h-o-r-e. Amazing how things are twisted around to make the person who is innocent appear guilty.

[QUOTE=crisma]I think you are doing the right thing. I would not let her out of my sight. If I had to I would go to school with her. She may resent you now, but in the long run she will be grateful for what you are doing. I think your dream represented that you sensed something was going on and you are afraid of losing her. I don't mean by death either.Take charge now. If you don't it may be too late! What does your husband think? You are an AMAZING mom and you will make the right decisions. I know it can't be easy though. I will be praying for you![/QUOTE] My husband is on the same page as me. She is living in such misery because she has made it. Rather than accepting her wrongness and making ammends she is only making herself more miserable. We told her that she is in charge of her own fate by her behavior and making things right again. Thanks for your prayers...they are already working, my SIL just called and said that my brother was awaiting a CAT scan and should be discharged home. Thanks, Cristie for being the angel who carried me through this night. (((HUGS))) ~ Goody :wave:





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