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Lawd, I would stop spanking and screaming. I went to a conference once and there we were told that when children become fearful (like they do when they are screamed at and spanked) they CANNOT listen and therefore learn. The only way that your son is going to learn is to communicate with him. (I have experience with the above because I backed myself into this spanking and screaming corner and wondered why she didn't listen and learn. She seemed very unaffected also. This conference turned on a light switch for me and I started to change MY behavior.) When you need to teach your son something do it with words and calmness so that he can learn. Your son sounds out of control with his behavior because he hasn't learned to control his behavior. From his viewpoint everything probably seems pretty chaotic. He does something wrong and then there is screaming and violence and then this is when he turns off all hearing, thinking and learning and then it just seems to happen all over again. Your son really doesn't have to be punished for his behavior he just needs to be taught a better behavior.

Try to hug your son more. When he is not misbehaving go up to him and hug him, talk to him and interact. I am sure that you have gotten so angry with him that it has been hard for you to do this without having bad feelings toward him. He is just a scared little boy who has no idea how to control himself. If he resists your hugs (which my daughter did) he might be angry with you. I have talked to my daughter numerous times to repair the damage that my screaming and spanking did to her. The things that we have had to repair are: 1) she was nervous and anxious, so we had a talk about my former screaming (this occurred between her ages of 2 - 4) and once she understood that my screaming made her this way and I didn't scream anymore, she was able to relax. 2) her not hugging me back, so we again talked about the screaming/spanking and we figured out that she felt that she was bad because I did this to her. Once we talked about this she doesn't hold back when we hug anymore. Did she feel that she didn't deserve my love or was she angry still about it or both?

Her actual problems didn't come out until I stopped screaming and spanking her. She was probably always in the fear mode and used to repressing her feelings. Before this she just acted like nothing bothered her. It is probably just their way of surviving. Once I stopped my terrible behavior she was "allowed" to relax and then her feelings started coming out.

Once I realized my mistakes I went to my daughter to explain it to her. I told her that I realized that I shouldn't have been yelling at her and spanking her and that I was going to change and that I was sorry. Whenever I slipped up and screamed I apoligized. You could also explain to your son that now you all need to work on teaching him better behaviors.

Lawd, please don't tell your son that he can't have feelings! When he cries please talk to him about this. He needs to let his feelings out. You are sort of trapping him in this hell by not letting him express himself. Was this how you were raised? My daughter is almost 8 now and she cannot figure out her feelings, I always have to figure them out and then ask her if this is how she feels.

Your son will learn how to respect you when you show him that you respect him. I had to learn this lesson to. I didn't respect my daughter. Children only learn respect when the parent shows it to them.

You know, my daughter had bowel problems too. I always wondered if it was psychologically based. He might be holding his bowel movements and then they sort of are forced out a little bit because of the pressure. There is a lot of theory on children holding bowel movements and psychological issues. It is funny how our children had the same issues here.

And for any doubters out there who think that lawd still needs to spank - one definition of insanity is to think that you can continue to do the same behavior and think that you are going to get a different outcome. If you want a different outcome you have to try something different.





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