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Parenting Issues Message Board


Parenting Issues Board Index


hello,
i hope my story could be an example for you. i do believe you and your mom are revising your relationship now as someone here mentioned, and it is hard for both of you.
my mom wasnt very mommyish, as she was working very hard man's work (crane operator) always bossy and always tired.. i grew up on my own.. not asking her much for things that i could live without, and i had to take care of my little brother as she was working like 12 h a day. i was good at school and not much bother for her. about the age of 15-16 we started having real big problems and fights (verbaly :) ) just like you. whatever i did was wrong, whatever problem i had (and she found out about) was a disaster, any opinion of mine was rubbish.. it was horrible. i moved out and got to work by the age of 18 but still kept calling and going arround to see her. i was so desperate to just know that she might love me and like the things i do. no much luck though. eventually i move to another country and stop calling for a while. called her after more than a year time to tell her she was a grandma. she cryed. in two more years i came back home. got my own place again and a job. she volunteered to babysit and help. after all that time i wasnt a daughter anymore. i was an adult with a job and life on my own. but took her long time to accept me like that. now i moved to spain, have my own business and house and another kid. she comes very often and stays for months at a time. loves the kids and is wonderful granny. much better than the mom she was. our relationship is totay diferent now. i am not her kid anymore, in a way she is a kid of mine now. i take care of things. she has softened up and settled. we have great talks.
hope you make some sense out of that. my point is that may be your mom emotionally is trowing you in the water to teach you to swim. and she can helpit feeling that way. it is like an allergic reaction to you. she cuts you of any kind of support, althouh she might worry sick about you but she will not help you out. she has a desperate need to see you can manage on you own. act like a man and not like a child and give her some space. imagine that she is not your mom, she is a nice sweet woman you know and love very much. what would you do? will you ask her what you ask her now, in the same way? or you will be just sharing you thoughts and opinions not expecting any solution form he? i am sure she loves you just as much as before, but she sees you like a man now and it is frightening. she doesnt know what to do with your new role. hold your head up, dude :) until you feel depending on her (emotionaly or materialysticly) she will be feeling obligeted to respond, and as you are a man now she will be alergic to that situation. you feel independant, solving problems, dealing with your life as it comes, and she will react diferently. you can share problems without crying on someone's shoulder, you know. dont want to be harsh with you. i know you are a great guy and the stage you are going through will be over the soonest you change your point of view.
best of luck.





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