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Parenting Issues Message Board


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Mother of a princess,

As a child, I was pretty much thrown around throughout the family. I was removed from my motherís house at 12 by DSS and placed into foster care. After my father gained custody of me and I moved in with him, he decided to give me a break. Although I do not think he knew just how depressed I really was, he trusted me and always complemented me for my courageousness so therefore I didnít want to let him down. I got into some situations though and did some things that I am not proud of that are very similar to what your daughter is going through.

I dropped out of school and needed to earn money so I started to baby sit two children for the couple across the street. Their mother, not too much older than me, taught me a lot. About the seriousness of my actions and having self worth. Having a female role model who trusted me and guided me in a friendly manner made me feel important and appreciated. I started to change my ways. I eventually started dating her cousin and now we have a 6 yr old daughter. (Although we are no longer together for other reasons)

I guess what Iím trying to say is, after I had my daughter a lot of things became clear to me. I felt horribly neglected and misguided in my childhood. I didnít have positive role models to look up to. I longed for companionship and thought that in order for a boy to love you, you did whatever they wanted you to do and expected to be appreciated for it. My piercings were an expression of my individuality and differences, almost a symbol of maturity. I was not like my other friends and felt as if I deserved to express myself as I felt I had taken care of myself independently and was Ďaboveí my friends who all had an ideal childhood. I felt neglected by my mother and misunderstood and resented her to the point that we did not speak to each other for over 5 years. It wasnít that I hated her; it was that she hurt me so bad and never took responsibility or even tried to acknowledge my feelings. I am now a very responsible 24 year old mother with a great job and an extremely wonderful child whom is my greatest gift.

I have a good feeling that something was slid under the rug while living at her fathers. Maybe he was a little naive when it came to her and was blind to her actions. Obviously she is going through some seriousness stuff but I can honestly tell you that counseling did not help me. I only told them what they wanted to hear because I didnít want to disappoint any one. I was so down in the dumps because I felt like I had no purpose, no meaning and no excitement in my life. I would not throw your Ďfindingsí up in her face because she will then become better at hiding the things she feels as though she needs to hide. Although some may feel it is an invasion of her privacy, she is only 14 years old and needs to be protected and that is your job. She needs a positive role model around the same age that can help her to understand the consequences of her actions and real life. Iím sorry so long, I felt very strongly about responding to this thread. Good luck and I hope I may have helped in some way:wave:

Jules





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