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Has anyone out there had the experience of having to ask their alcoholic relative to leave the house??

My grandson aged 20 is an alcoholic. He has had detox once, but only met other addicts and got into a lot of bother with them once he returned home, so that did not work at that time.

He has managed to set up another appointment for detox and swears this time that he will not get mixed up with other people who do not help his situation. I am pleased that he has done this for himself and he is awaiting a place at detox.

Through my help, he has found a flat of his own and moves in tomorrow. I know he is most reluctant as he has always had most things done for him and I am worried that he will not bother to apply for benefits to help him to get furniture etc.

I was given advice from a wonderful lady who has professional and personal experience of alcohol abuse and she said I must be very tough and set clear boundaries, one of which is to insist he moves into his flat and seek benefits advice himself, also to set boundaries as to when and how often he visits my house. For instance, to call the police if he will not go when I ask him to.

Also only to support him through things he is doing to help his addiction.

I know I have been very lax with him as I felt guilty about following through my warnings if he drinks in our house etc.

But I have reached the end of my ability to do much more for him as I have a long term medical condition which exhausts me and spinal arthritis too.

My grandson makes dreadfull messes in the house when he is drunk and never lifts a hand to help clear it up. He also urinates wherever he sits or sleeps and as I cannot do much physically, I am tired of the cleaning up.

Also I am the main carer for an invalid son and still have to care for my other two grandchildren, so my spirit may be willing, but the flesh is weak:)

I would appreciate any similar experiences from people who have or had this problem.

Thank you
Not sure what they have where you live, but here in the States, there are homes called Progress houses, meaning, whoever lives there cannot drink, they have to pay there fair share of rent, and if they are caught drinking, they have to leave. In knowing people that have this problem, it is usually best if they are not alone, being alone usually ends up drinking, so living alone is not a good answer. Living with you is also not a good answer, and yes, you need to have tough love. You can call Alcoholics Anonymous and ask they about the Progress homes. They can live there for as long as they want as long as they don't drink.

Sunny
Sunny,
Thanky you for your kind reply. I live in Scotland, although we don't have what you describe in our area, we do have lots of other detox and couselling facilities. Trouble is, my grandson usually can't be bothered availing himself of these unless I do all the groundwork for him. Although in his new flat he will be alone, but it is not far from our home and his family will always be around for him.

Thank you again.
Jemmmy, I wish both you and your grandson all the best, it is quite the thing to go thru and I know how hard it is not to help him. My own son went thru this from the time he was 14 to present age 44. I helped him so much, it broke my heart not to help him, in the end, I went to counseling myself and I had to do the tough love, it still broke my heart, but I did it, and it was the best thing I could have done. He has finally become a recovered alcoholic and hopefully he will stay that way. I think he will he has not drank for 3 years now and has a good job and nice home.

Take care..
Sunny
Sunny, it is good to hear that your son recovered and you now have peace of mind. I guess the only way is 'tough' love. I get lots of arguments from my grandson as to why I should not be tough, but I know alcoholics will say anything to maintain their drinking.

Your post has inspired me to carry on being tough, As I am too old now to see my grandson through to his forties, I am determined to help him stop drinking before he gets much older.
Best wishes,
Jemmmy





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