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My son is 17 yrs old and went to junior prom last night. We told him to be home by 12:30. They went to eat after the prom and he sent us a text message saying where he was. Before the prom a parent of one of his friend let us know they all would be at another friend's house after the prom. The friend lives on the same block and we know the parents. We verified and said it would be ok. Just keep in contact with us. When we checked in with him he had a friend with him that doesn't live in our neighborhood and doesn't have a car. I asked him how he was getting home and he said that another friend would have to take him. We had told him that he was not to be driving around town. The city curfew for a 17 yr old driving is 12:00.
We also told him when we got the car for him that we don't want him driving around with people we don't know. Needless to say the friend ended up not having a way home. My son was sitting at the friend's house they were suppose be at waiting for him to come back from taking his girlfriend to change her clothes. Needless to say, he didn't return which meant this friend had no way home. We told our son to have the friend call his
mother and come home. My son came home with the friend and said the friend has no way home. I said to the friend it is almost 1 am, my son can not take you home. He had a curfew and can not drive after a certain time. You need to call your mother and I will speak to her. He told me that he did call she told him he needed to find a way home. She was not getting up out of bed to get him. I told him we could call a cab and asked if he had money. My son was angry and said we were the only parents that would do this. I told him in front of his friend that we gave you a curfew, we told you not to have people in the car we don't know, and we told you that you were not going to be able to take anyone home. The friend said that his mother is sleeping. I told the friend that we are only up to make sure our son got home. I am also tired, and if my son didn't have a way home it would be my responsibility to get him. My son kept saying this is why my friends don't come over because of how we act,and that his friend gets to see what he is always talking about with us. I told my son and his friend that we don't mind friends coming but there are limits in our home for our son. Meeting curfew and who is in the car that is actually our car that we let him use is a couple of them. I also told the friend just like you won't call your mother again because she said find a way home we expect our son to listen to what we say. We couldn't get a cab to come so I ended up driving him home with my son in the car. My son says he can't wait to move out when he is 18, we are always tripping and his friends know it. I told him that first off our goal is to make sure he is successful. We are suppose to check his grades (not always great), know who he is with and set limits. We are responsible for him! I'm wondering if I should call his friend's mother to discuss this. My son just doesn't get it. This is such a painful process raising a teenager!!
Thanks for listening :) Any advice?
[QUOTE=Belly Kelly;4256220]I think you did the right thing by taking the kid home. I would not have called a cab...just take him home without any complaints. Yes, he isn't your child, but you don't know the kid's home life so you helped him out. Your good deed will come back to you one day. I would also not call his parent - that would humiliate him as well as your son. It's over - leave it alone.

My only concern - and I raise this because you are sort of sending a double message here. You say the curfew in your town is midnight, yet, you told your son to be home by 12:30 a.m. the night of prom. Why when he could have gotten in trouble staying out past midnight?[/QUOTE]
Thanks for your advice Kelly Belly. You are right
I should have looked at it more as helping
him out. I think I was really more upset at
my son for putting me in the situation.
I won't call his mother, you are absolutely right.
I let my son stay out until 12:30 because the prom was
over at 12:00, and they were suppose to then go
to his friend's house who is our neighbor. I know the
parents and they live on the live three houses
down from us. My son was not to leave their home
we can look out any window on the side of
our house and see theirs. With the parents their
I (really me and his dad/my husband) were allowing him since
the parents asked and it was just about next door.
We told him before he left no riding around town we
were trusting him to back out of our neighbor's driveway
drive a few houses and hang a left into our
driveway. We explained to him detail why
we made the 30 min exception. I think after the
episode last night it wasn't a great idea.
Hi Mom of a 17 year old... I have a 16 year old myself, and one before him. What I am going to say is meant purely as heartfelt advice, and not out of disrespect to you at all. I found your story of your son's prom night as heartbreaking.

I can understand your son's reason to be upset, and embarrassed. Your son was put in an awkward situation by the friend that did not have a ride which he looked to you to help him solve. Instead you freaked out.

I'm sure your son knew you would get mad at this variance to the plan you had for him. I'm sure the friend was embarrassed to have such a fuss made out no one wanting to take him home, even his own mother.

The whole curfew thing should have been disregarded, in by 12:00, by law. Anything after that is the parents duty to do any driving.

The whole cab thing is overboard.

I would have asked your son to set up a place for his friend to sleep, and call his mother to let her know her son is safe. Or I would happily taken him home. One or the other, and without a moment of hesitation. I would take into consideration this was a special night in your son's teenage years, and those are not the times to create a scene.

Prom night were very special in our house, we always we up and had the light's on for our son's return, got his date home safely, have some ice cream, take pictures. and go to bed!

I would give your son a big hug and let him have his friends over. It is such a fun age. To know your son's friends and to interact with them is precious, because they are going to moving to the next stage of their lives, with or without us.

Warmest regards,
Thank you for the kind words. We do have a wonderful place here, and it can be so helpful to get another take on our questions from a variety of people. I wish you and your family all the best!

Come back anytime!
You know, I mostly agree with how you handled the situation. Your son knows the rules, he knows when the curfew is, he never should have put himself in that situation in the first place. Too many parents back down (out of fear of pushing their children away) and allow their children to dictate what rules and laws they will follow, and that is a huge part of what is wrong in the world today.

You laid out the rules clearly and simply and your son didn't have any questions as to what they were. Plus, your town has a curfew and what he was asking was basically, "Hey, Mom, can I not only break the rules you set out for me, but can I break the law too?" (in my opinion, staying out half an hour longer, on prom night, 3 houses down, in a controlled environment, does NOT count!)

Had you been, "the cool mom," and allowed your son to drive across town to drop his friend off, who knows what kind of trouble they might have gotten into along the way? Drunk driving accidents are a regular occurrence on prom nights.... I'm not saying your son was drinking, but you know somebody out there was! Also, if there is a curfew in your town, then you know that police were probably out in force looking for teenagers out past curfew, too. Even if your son was obeying all the traffic laws, he still could've gotten into trouble just for being out past midnight. It's my experience that parental instinct is always the best instinct, and you followed yours.

Have a long and frank (but loving) talk with your son. Explain to him that he can't put you in situations like that and expect you to just change the rules simply because he has a friend with him. He knows what the rules are and he knows what your expectations are, and when he knowingly tries to make you change those rules and expectations, then[I] he[/I] is the one choosing to have the the embarrasing scene, not you. He's obviously a smart kid, and sure, he might resent some of it now, but he will thank you for it later, I promise!

As far as the friend goes, well, maybe you could've offered your couch to him and then allowed your son to take him home the next morning. If the kid's mom wasn't bothered enough to come get him, it seems to me that she wouldn't have minded if he didn't come home until the next morning. That is the[I] only[/I] thing I would've done differently had I been you.....
Thanks everyone. When I read the first couple of replies I realized I didn't think about embarrassing the child and his home life. I was raised to care for others but at 1:00 in the morning I just flipped out. My tone and words were not kind. I didn't curse but I was just short of it. My goal is not to shame and embarrass my son. It is to set boundaries and stick with them. They are in place to keep him safe. I didn't think it was law braking for him to be a few houses away on the same block with neighbors/friends. I/my husband definitely aren't cool parents. I must say again I'm so glad I found this website! I appreciate all of your comments. It is giving me a chance to see and hear other points of view.

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