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Parenting Issues Message Board

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My son was babysat for by a man when he was less then a year old about 3 different times. That man was later convicted of molesting my son's father's girlfriend's daughter less then a year later. That man grew up calling my son's father's mother "Mom" and my son's father thought of him like a brother. This man denies he molested the girl, so obviously if he did anything to my son he would not admit that either and my son was obviously too young to tell anyone if anything happened. That is around the time he began to play with his penis tho. It began with him pulling himself up in his crib and rubbing himself agenst the bars. Almost everyone I know has girls and my son's father's mother basically told me in her own words that if anything did happen my son wouldn't remember it so not to make a big deal about it. She also has said she has doubts as to if this man did this or not. I don't. At the time this happened I got along with my son's father and his girlfriend very well. I took his girlfriend and her daughter to the hospital. His girlfriend couldn't handle going into the exam room with her daughter, but her daughter was scared so she wanted someone with so I went with. I didn't watch the exam, but I listened to what the doctor was saying about bleeding in the area of an 8 year old girl where girls that age don't bleed for any other reasons. I followed the advice of my son's father's mother and didn't do anything about my suspicion.

Now my son is 3 years old and seems very obsessed with his penis. He is always grabbing it, playing with it, and pulling it out. He does it at home, mostly but sometimes at other people's homes as well. He also asks everyone where their penis is. I told him mine fell off because I played with it too much thinking it might stop him from his playing but it doesn't seem to matter to him. How do I know what is normal and when it has gone too far? Why is about the penis, what is wrong with these behaviors but with his ears or toes instead? Is it because he realizes I have those parts and I am missing the penis?

Does the posibility of the abuse make a difference? Do children start to rub on crib and continue to do these things he is doing now when nothing happens to them? I don't want him to have had anything to happen to him, I left him with this man. I trusted him, I knew him since I was in 10th grade. (I was 22 when I left my son with him) I also have been raped and know the lifelong pain that comes with it. What do you do in a case when you don't know if you child was abused in this way and you probably never will know? If it is because of abuse will he outgrow the behaviors or will they get worse? I don't know what to do. Please help me.

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