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What i see is a normal teenage girl. At that age every girl or boy for that matter will try and push the bounderies!! I hated my parents at one point. I was not allowed to have boys in my room for a long time and when they did finally allow it my door was to stay open, then when i was in college i could go in with my door shut and he could stay the night but on the couch. You have to set boundries.

When i was 15, if i would have been an hour late and didn't even call to ask or let them know my butt would have got it the minute we walked in the door. MY parents wouldn't have even let us make it up the stairs, let alone to my bedroom. And if i had a BF in my bedroom my dad would have come in and made him leave the house and i wouldn't have been allowed boys over for a long time. As for the gum I flat out would have got my butt wooped!! I know some might not agree with spanking a child. My parents by no means were ever out of line when spanking me and i never even thought abuse. I see absolutly nothing wrong with a spanking with the hand. and trust me I hated to hear my dad say GRAB YOUR ANKLES (i know that sounds bad, but it worked.) They stopped spankin when it stopped hurting me and my brother. As for internet in the bedroom. I was young i was not allowed to have TV, phone or internet in my bedroom. I could take the cordless to my room and talk. As for internet my dad still checks the history on my 17 year old brother cause he has a tendancy to look at porn and my dad will block the site. As for privacy. My parents NEVER and I mean NEVER read my diary or went through my stuff. If i left something laying around then that is a different story. If you want your Daughter to trust you, then give her a reason to trust you.

IF i was in your shoes this is what i would do. I would call a family meeting. I would tell her that you are NOT HAPPY with the way things are going in this family. I would tell her that you DO NOT like the way she disrespects you and her mother and that YOU WILL NO LONGER ALLOW IT. Lay down the law right then and there. Tell her that for now she is not allowed to have her BF over cause of the way she disrespected you and that she is grounded for one month and her BF is not allowed in her room for another month after that. I would take out the internet and TV from both daughters rooms just because there is no reason to have it there. Then i would tell her that you can see the websites she is going to and that you do not agree with what she is looking at and limit her internet time to an hour a day and that is it. as for gum tell her that everytime you find gum in the house anywhere except for the garbage that is a week of being grounded. AND STICK TO IT!!! Make a chart of chores for BOTH GIRLS!! Where they swith off each week with garbage and vacuming for one and dishes for the other. Swithc em every week. MY brother and i always had chores his was packing in wood and taking out garbage and mine was dishes. We took turns cleaning our bathroom and our rooms had to stay clean. My parents didn't care if we missed dinner we had to stay in our room until they were clean. No fun until chores are done!! that was my dads motto!!! You know what i HATED MY DADS GUTS cause he was so hard on us. But now i am 21 and i have the greatest relationship with my parents. As long as i followed there rules we all were happy. and if i didn't hesitate to break a rule they didn't hesitate to punish me to the fullest. I admire my parents for how they raised me now and i hope i do as good of a job as them some day.

I hope my advice helps. Just be the parent no matter how much they hate you. Be the friend later. I used to tell my dad to his face that he was an a-hole and guess what he just said i will take that as a compliment and you can go sit in your room for the rest of the night for talkin to me like that. and by god i did...... sat there with no TV, no internet, no phone. Just me and my thoughts. Good luck to you.
This is not directed to I need a name so please don't take offence to this. Your daughter might very well have ODD, but seriously look at this situation. I see nothing but a spoiled rotten teenage girl that has been allowed to rule the house!! I do understand that some people do suffer from different disorders, but now adays people are so quick to put the blame on a disorder rather then themselves and that is sad!! People don't want to admite that they might have f*cked up somewhere down the line. But fact is knowone is perfect. Every parent is going to make mistakes but it is the ones that will admit to the mistakes and do soemthing to fix it!!! PLEASE RE-READ my previous post I really feel that i gave some good advice. If you give it a good try i bet a million bucks she will be just fine. You let her disrespect you and you haven't taught her the proper respect she should give to all people! Not just you!! Please don't give up on your daughter and blame it on a disorder! Giver her a chance. Be a good parent and you might get a good child in retern!
You know I am very sorry you felt that my advice was not good enough because i do not have a teenage daughter. I guess the fact that i was once a teenage girl.....not that long ago might i add.....merits nothing. I beleive that most anyone who read this forum would agree with me and most others advice on here. Your daughter will continue to grow up and treat you the way she does cause i don't believe anything you do will be productive.

I do think that was a good choice not to freak out on her when you found the birth control. But why not confront her on it and have THE TALK with her. Tell her you don't quit understand her choices, but that you are proud of her for being safe. Make sure she can come to you for anything (if in fact that is how you feel. The more open you are with your daughter the more open she will become with you.

Once again, I hope you rethink you choice to ignore good advice and don't be so quick to blame it on ODD. I once again wish you the best of luck.

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