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Parenting Issues Message Board

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Miscarriage Guilt
Jun 28, 2003
Hi Everyone~
For the ones who aren't familiar with my story, I am the mother of 3 wonderful children. (12, 5, 3)

I recently found out that I was pregnant with my 4th. My husband and I had thought about another child and we had even talked about when we were going to start trying again (next year!) I found out about 5 weeks ago that I was pregnant. I had so many fears wondering how I was going to handle it. I can bearly get my housework done, take care of the kids, and find time for my hubby. Plus, I have sick parents to be on the lookout for. I just was shocked when I found out I was pregnant. I finally came to grips with it.......feeling excited and looking forward to telling everyone at 3 months. Unfortuately, I had a miscarriage this week. Oh my Lord, I feel so devasted. This may sound bogus after telling you about my beginning doubts but it hurts me so bad. I have all these extra feelings of guilt that I took my blessing for granted. I love my children and I feel that he/she would have been another extension of the love between me and my hubby. It feels like someone has ripped my heart out. I can barely function........God, I feel so guilty! I had done some hard, hard work the day before, had the house exterminated, and went to the water park at the Beach. I feel that because of some or all of those things, I caused this. I have been assured that this is not hardly likely but I still feel crushed. It is one of the difficult feelings in my life. I know that I am blessed to have 3 other children but it is so difficult. I have cried the whole week and I feel so depressed and guilty. I hate the way I feel. My hubby has been great but now he is back to work and I feel isolated with this secret pain. I am glad that I didn't tell the kids but they constantly wonder what's wrong......I just say that "Mommy's sad today"

I feel so, so very SAD! :( I don't cry around the kids but everytime I am alone, I bawl my eyes out.

Someone please help---

I extend my heartfelt sympathy for your loss. I had three miscarriages before I had my first child, I now have two healthy teenagers. Lilihob did an excellent job of explaining how many people who have miscarriages feel, and what they often go through. It does take time to grieve, and I believe you will find your other children comforting to be around. Nothing you did caused the miscarriage. I don't remember feeling guilt, but I do remember feeling hurt, emptiness, a lack of fairness, and an incredible sense of loss. Over time, these feelings lessen, though the sadness of the experience(s) never totally leaves you. God bless!

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