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Parenting Issues Message Board


Parenting Issues Board Index


Hi parents! First off I want to say I am not new to these boards...I am currently suffering from some very painful tmj symptoms which are agravated by alot of stress I have been under lately! Alot of this stress I owe to my (ONLY)16 yr old daughter who is driving my husband and I nuts!!! She is generally a good kid, always been amongst the talented and gifted and is in mostly honors classes at the HS...always been involved in sports, clubs, and well liked by her peers! Last year she got into some trouble hanging with the wrong crowd, a tough boyfriend, and was caught with some drugs and alcohol in her bedroom...her grades suffered through this period, but I feel she learned from this situation and had pulled herself (with alot of our help) out of it! She eventually brought up her grades, played 3 sports, broke up with the boyfriend, and quit hanging with the wrong crowd! She got her license during the summer months and also a new boyfriend who is a good kid, but has some "issues" which I am wondering if they are not rubbing off on her. They really have nothing in common...he is not in any of her classes (actually is in the LD classes), is not involved in any school or outside activities, parents are divorced,has anger issues, and he is on medication for depression. He does, however, sit and talk with us when we have him over to visit, is friendly and fun to be around...but I just can't help to feel that he might to be blame for the troubles we are having now! It seems that since this new school year has started, our daughter will only give as much effort needed to just get her by...not the total effort that we used to see! She is becoming lazy, sulking, disrespectful, and somewhat of a loner...she says she has friends, but from what I can see the "good" ones have moved on! (And this boyfriend of hers DOES seem to want her all to himself!) She got cut from the team of her fall sport this year for the first time...has played since 7th grade! It was a real shocker for all of us as she is a good player, had never been absent, and seemed to really want to play! It has been sadly missed, because not only did it provide "something" for her (and her dad and I!) to be involved in, it was also a good way to keep fit and keep some of the stressfulness of being a teen away! I didn't call the coach to find out why she got cut...just took the answer she gave me, hugged her, and didn't get much sleep that nite...but I am wondering now if she was showing the coach any effort or not! Well, now we are getting ready for her winter sport to begin...basketball...something she has played since 4th grade and actually is a pretty decent player when she wants to be! She has been "hoe-humming" around about it since the middle of summer, but just last nite told us she hated the game, thought it was stupid, did not want to play and would not unless we forced her to! We had a big family discussion about it and tried to get to the bottom of it, but just can't seem to figure out why she feels this way! She admitted she was afraid of failure and didn't like the coach or the team...but still feel there is some other reason why she is so ready to just give up so easily! One part of me wants to say "okay, so don't play...you will learn a lesson because once you quit you won't be able to change the outcome of your decission" and the other part says to just MAKE her go and play even if she really is miserable just because I am afraid she is learning to give up too easy on things! Another thing is that she was given a car for her 16th birthday...we gave it to her because she had earned it and would need it to take herself to and from all the things she was involved with!(Our rule was: you get the car as long as you continue to get good grades and stay involved in your sports and school activities...this was understood and agreed pon by HER!) She is actually involved with something right now...but it will be over with by the end of this month! Also she is involved in 2- clubs at school and as far as I can tell making the effort to keep her grades up(not as well as I expect, but effort is noted!).....okay, this is the advice part (finally!) what should we do? Should we keep on her about playing basketball...maybe ask for some advice from a caring coach or counselor? Or just accept the fact that she really might just be sick of it and wants to try something new? (This does create a problem, though, as there aren't any other sports she can do in the winter...she has a spring sport, but at this rate she won't be in ANY condition for it by then!) Should we hold to our rule about taking away her car priveledges which would add more stress to my situation...I would still have to be running to school to get her when she has a club meeting or something planned! Eliminate the boyfriend? (this will cause all kinds of problems and I am somewhat still holding my breath as I know she is getting tired of him and feel like if we leave it alone she might make the right choice on her own!)...OMG, this is a novel I have written and I could go on and on...I'll stop for now though and see if anyone can help me out with some advice! I just am getting so stressed out and depressed...hubby is too! We have always prided ourselves on being involved and often would "brag" wayyy to much on her...lately, though, I have nothing good to say about her and that makes me so sad! Okay, I'm done this time (LOL!)HELP PLEASE???





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