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Parenting Issues Message Board

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Pacu..I agree with Cheryl on what to say with son,but I don't understand why a 10yr old is having a shower with his mom.If anything he should be showering,so to speak with his dad.His dad is the one with the "parts"that he has.I'm actually uncomfortable with this at 10 yrs old.When our son was younger I had showers with him,he's 5 now.I stopped showering with him because I figured he needs his independance.I don't ever remember me,showering with my dad?We have a 2 yr old d that I shower with but she's a girl.Our son and d bath together,but our d curiosity kills the cat when she sees sons"parts".And son asks why hers aren't like his.We say boys are different from girls.Son has seen me naked,but when he starts asking questions,I kind of shut the door on it.All he needs to know at his age is mommy has her privates and daddy has his privates.I don't feel I need to get into detail right now.The last thing I'd want him to do,is prance around kindergarten saying I have a "penis" and you have a "vagina".Kids at his age are strange this way.They blab everything anywhere,anytime.So details right now is out of the question.At 10 yrs old the son and other son should mabe shower together,not with his mom.JMO
I agree that it is sick for a 10 year old girl to shower with her father. If the father can't see that, there's something horribly wrong. The mother and 10 year old son is bad too!

Maybe my dad saw me briefly naked at that age but never did we scrub a dub together at that age. Not with mom either.

I'm a girl.
Interesting thread here.

I wanted to add my two cents because I remember a few things from my childhood.

I remember that nudity was truely a non-issue in my household. We had a hot tub and frequently soaked nude in it together. Not a big deal to any of us. We occationally showered together when we were in a hurry and it was most convenient to do so. And then puberty happened...

The last time my father and I showered together was when I was 9. It was one of those occations in which we were pressed for time, so my father said something like, "Come on, let's get ready to go," and we hopped into the shower together. Well, unknown to my father, I had recently crossed that developmental boundry where it was no longer comfortable for me to bathe with my father - I'd just gotten old enough that I was no longer cool with showering together. Had he known that, he wouldn't have asked me to shower with him. And that's the problem; he thought I was still OK with it, and I wasn't. And I was too shy or non-confrontational at the time to tell him that I was no longer wanting to do that. That being said, I certainly was not scarred by showering with him that last time - I just avoided it after that.

Parents need to remember that kids might not always be able to signal when they're too grown up for this sort of thing. It's good to remember that it's one thing to let your kid shower with you when they ask to, and another thing entirely for the parent to initiate showering together. A kid who wants to shower with mom/pop will ask to join in. A kid who doensn't want to may not be able to say no, so after a certain age, they should no longer be asked to. I don't have a formula for what that age should be. I just wanted to remind parents that they should remember that their kids aren't always able to articulate their discomfort.

My father really wanted me to be comfortable with my body, so he always treated nudity as a non-issue. That may be the ideal, but the fact it that in this society, nudity IS an issue. It was perhaps naive of him to not realise earlier that I would start to feel like I needed som physical privacy as I grew up.

It's a fine line for parents to balance between treating the body and nudity as a natural thing, and teaching how self-respect and privacy are related. I'm not sure how I'll approach it when I'm a parent.

~ Lena

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