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Parenting Issues Message Board

Parenting Issues Board Index

As a mom of 3 little girls, and being young once myself, I can easily see both sides of your situation.... and I agree and disagree with both sides, too.

Your mom is wrong in that she never gave you any boundaries or made it clear what she expected of you as far as sex is concerned. It seems she gave you the okay at first, and then changed her mind when it came down to you actually going through with it. I can't say that I disagree with her not wanting you to have sex at such a young age though. And yes, 17 is way too young. Ask yourself this: are you ready to become a mother right now? Birth control pills aren't 100%. I know plenty of women who've become pregnant while still on the pill. If you aren't ready to be a mother, you really shouldn't be having sex. HOWEVER.... this isn't supposed to be a lecture, so I'll leave it at that.

As far as you and your mother's relationship.... don't let a guy come between you and your mom. He may or may not be there in your future, but your mother will always be there for you. She just wants what is best for you. Her inconsistencies aside (hey, no mom is perfect!) it's obvious she loves you and wants you to be happy. She is terrified for you over this decision you've made for yourself.... for the above reasons about motherhood.... and for other reasons that go along with motherhood, like will you make it to college, how long will your boyfriend stick around after you've had sex a few times (sorry, but some guys are just in it for the challenge.... even if it does take 9 months!), is your boyfriend really a virgin or is that just a line he used on you, and if he's not a virgin, how many STD's might he be carrying, will your boyfriend stick around if you did get pregnant, will you ruin your future, etc..... all very valid fears of a mother who loves her daughter.

As a mother, those are all the reasons I will give my daughters when it comes to sex. I plan on raising my daughters to wait until they are married (yeah, so old fashioned, I know.... but that's how I was raised and it's worked well for me!).

As a person who's been there, I do know what you are going through. I had a boyfriend that my parents didn't want me to be with and I did so many stupid things in order to be with him.... and I'm talking about just hanging out, eating dinner, watching a movie, no sex involved..... But it drove me and my parents apart, because I felt like I had to lie to them in order to be with my boyfriend. My Mom and I had been best friends until I allowed this guy to come between us. My parents saw in him what I refused to see. Sure, they liked him well enough, he was allowed to come over to my house and we were allowed to be together as long as my parents were aware of it all and were around. But they really didn't want us to be in a "dating" relationship. He and I dated for almost 8 months before the subject of sex came up. He said he loved me and that I was going to be his first. He knew I wanted to wait for marriage, but he pushed the subject a lot. Eventually he date raped me. My parents knew he wasn't any good, but I wouldn't listen to them.

I'm sure your boyfriend is a great guy, and I'm sure he wouldn't do the same thing to you.... I'm not saying he would. BUT, if your parents see something in him that they don't like, you might take a step back and review your relationship with him and make sure he really is everything you think he is.

Good luck....

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