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Parenting Issues Message Board

Parenting Issues Board Index

You did not say if your daughter is an only child, so I can only speak as to those who have more than one child in the family. I have always had a very good, loving relationship with my oldest daughter, but I do admit it was somewhat strained once she hit about that age. It took some time to overcome the strain and it eventually faded and our relationship is quite close now. One as I am the only surviving parent and then we just always thought more alike. My younger daughter had a rough time in dealing with some family issues and the illness and loss of her father. She had a hard time seeing her mother as an individual and not part of the unit of family as she had been accustomed. All this occurred about the same age as your daughter. I think it is a very difficult time for young adults trying to strike out on their own in the world and establishing their own individual identity away from the family unit. I still have a somewhat strained relationship some 12 years later with this child. I wish it were not that way, but I have come to realize that so many differences in likes and personalities make a close relationship virtually impossible. I do try to let her know I love her and I am proud of her even though we are not close. That is about all one can do in a circumstance like that. I do think that time has a way of mending relationships at times. Once a child is married and has children of their own, they may recognize just how valuable a parent's wisdom and support can be. It is not very hard to feel that one is taken for granted when one is facing a strained relationship with a child. Try to keep your chin up. My own mother once shared her own feelings on this very subject, saying that when your children are small they step on your feet but as they get older, they step on your heart. Try to give her your love and be patient with her. My youngest was always a daddy's girl and I accept that fact as they just thought more alike than she and I. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone.
I call my older daughter the peace keeper of the family. My two girls are like night and day, total opposites. The older one is more like me in actions and beliefs. The other was very outgoing, loud and rather be having fun than studying or helping out around the house. I just had to accept their differences early on. I don't love either one more than the other. I know the world would be a very boring place if we were all carbon copies of each other. I try to celebrate their uniqueness and hope for the best. I wish you the best in the coming years. Teen years were defintitely the worst of times. Just be patient and try to think back to when you were that age, it might jar some solutions your own parents used in these instances. I was one of six children, so there was not much time for one on one. I so wish my mother had asked me to lunch or shopping or a movie, just the two of us for fun, but with six to mother, one on one was rare. I do hope the coming days will be better for you.

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