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Parenting Issues Message Board

Parenting Issues Board Index

busyMommy, do not blame yourself for this AT ALL! "stay at home mother?"??
No im sorry.. as a 20 year old male... that understands he was EXACTLY the same at that age, you are not to blame because you work..

My parents both worked full time, sure i craved attention but over time you just get used to it... The child isnt going to be living with you all there life, they need to find friends for emotional support and attention..

I agree with the "make him earn it" mentality, however, id like to make some suggestions that my Parents used with me (not all of them worked, but they didnt COMPLETELY fail either).. He will eventually grow out of it also.

Suggestions and Questions :
1, first of all.. Chores.. They dont work.. yes I agree, It makes your life easier and shows some respect for the house and the family, However... i think your missing one Vital point.. hes still a child... but getting close to the "indipendant age".. Instead of trying to teach him about the long term goals of "do this and very soon ull get your reward" try and get him to have a job, If he can hold a job for a month.. see how you feel, Even if its only a weekend job due to school, Its going to provide a good working foundation for his future, provides a Short term "reward" (Wages, Possibly to buy his first car??) He will get attention there and make new friends, And theres a possibility of a "long term reward" (driving)

2, dont get too upset by him calling you by your first names, i know pleanty of people who do it and still love there parents alot, its a "growing up" thing, it makes them Feel more indipendant.. at the end of the day i can assure you he loves you. Try to not even call him by his first name, If your Talking refere to him as less of a individual and more like collective or ... whats the word im looking for.. No idea... Refere to him as "sir, Kid, friend" if that fails... be harsher "oi..., you, stranger"

3, Does he seem to be hiding anything, For example, could he be gay? secretly be seeing girls? i ask because one of the big turning points in my own behavior was when i became honest with my parents. if there's any possibility he may be hiding something then casual talk about it in a positive way so that he may eventually open up to you... "wouldnt it be nice if you had a girlfriend", "oh a new guy started working with me today, Hes gay and hes an amazing guy" and so on.

4, does he have freedom? if he wants to go out to see friends is there anything restricting him? perhaps be a little more lenient if there are restrictions in place.

5, this one worked well for me, i know parents generally say something like "Act like an adult and we will treat you like one" "Show us respect and we will show you with respect", this for me was a big nono... if he wants to act up then let him... Just dont include him in anything.. go away for a weekend and dont invite him and have an AMAZING time, you as parents need time away from your kids no matter how much you love them, and you need Alone time, but when your around him, Treat him like hes an adult (like you already are i believe, letting him make his own meals and such) if he asks for money.. tell him hes a grown up now and he needs to earn it himself, teach him the Values of Work = Reward... Itl soon get into his mind

Best of luck to you

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