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Personality Disorder Message Board

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Hello, first post. There's another thread with this same title but it's over ten years old and closed, so I am starting a new one. I searched for this subject and got this site and that thread. I compulsively talk to myself, fantasizing conversations with others out loud. Sometimes it's very hyper and fun and like I'm having an intellectual discussion on some subject or other, and sometimes it's me doing something I fantasize about like singing in front of thousands or being in a film or something like that, but mostly it's angry tirades and "things I should have said" to people-I get very detailed and eloquent in such a way that no one ever does when in actual conversation. It can also go WAY back to childhood, and about things that hurt or angered or scared me. Always external and out loud. I have tried and tried to hold it in, it is disheartening and I feel like a freak when it's over. I tell myself to be quiet but 30 seconds later I'm speaking: while driving, showering, puttering around my home. I have been caught a few times and the shame is debilitating, just enervates me and I shut down for a while. Does anyone else do this sort of thing? I'm not delusional, I know I'm just compulsively acting out.
I do this all the time! It helps me plan out my future conversations with others as I have severe social anxiety. I do it so I will know what to say, but sometimes I do it for fun. I keep myself "company" since I don't get out of the house much. I also talk back to the voices I hear sometimes, mainly telling them to shut up. (I have Bipolar w/ Psychotic Features) I've also been caught and it was very embarrassing. My family thinks I'm crazy because of it. I've always wondered if it was a normal behavior other people do, so I'm glad to know I'm not alone. It could be a part of my disorder but who knows. Lol.

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