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Personality Disorder Message Board

Personality Disorder Board Index

Hi Everyone! WARNNING: This is long, but I think educational and interesting [img][/img]
I'm new to this place. But I think I'm glad that I've found you :)
I have many many 'problems'. But when I have to nail down why I'm on SSDI I just say I'm a Schizotypal/Schizoid and that I don't play well with others [img][/img]
I have several personality 'disorders', but I AM a Schizotypal/Schizoid 100%.

A pervasive pattern of social & interpersonal deficits marked by acute discomfort with, & reduced capacity for, close relationships as well as by cognitive or perceptual distortions and eccentricities of behavior, beginning by early adulthood & present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by 5 (or more) of the following:
* Ideas of reference (excluding delusions of reference)
* Odd beliefs or magical thinking that influences behavior & is inconsistent with subcultural norms i.e. superstitiousness, belief in claivoyance, telepathy, or "sixth sense"; in children and adolescents, bizarre fantasies or preoccupations.
* Unusual perceptual experiences, including bodily illusions.
* Odd thinking & speech i.e. vague, circumstantial, metaphorical, overelaborate, or stereotyped.
* Suspiciousness or paranoid ideation.
* Inappropriate or constricted affect.
* Behavior or appearance that is odd, eccentric, or peculiar.
* Lack of close friends or confidants other than 1st degree relatives.
* Excessive social anxiety that does not diminish with familiarity & tends to be associated with paranoid fears rather than negative judgments about self.

A pervasive pattern of detachment from social relationships & a restricted range of expression of emotions in interpersonal settings, beginning by early adulthood & present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by 4 (or more) of the following:
* Neither desires nor enjoys close relationships, including being part of a family.
* Almost always chooses solitary activities.
* Has little, if any, interest in having sexual experiences with another person.
* Takes pleasure in few, if any, activities.
* Lacks close friends or confidants other than 1st degree relatives.
* Appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others.
* Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity.

That's me alright. Every single one.

I'm 45, Divorced now for going on 4 years. I Never pro-created becuz I knew it wasn't a good idea for me or anybody. I live alone in a really wonderful old brownstone apartment with my cat Fillmore. After my Husband said he'd DIE if he stayed with me and left, I had a complete 'meltdown' both physically, emotionally and mentally. It was BAD...REALLY BAD. I was very lucky and got Social Security Disability right away. That's how BAD it was. They re-evaluated me last summer to see if I was still elligable to get SSDI as it had been 3 years, and they decided that I am PERMANANTLY DISABLED. Thank God cuz I can't deal with the people for real.

SO...Anyway...The Holidays...
I am Anti-Religion. Religions make me bazerk. But Thanks to the Anti-Psychotic 'Seroquel' I can 'tolerate' just a little the that I feel with this time of year. Most people are careful or completely agree with me. I am SO all by myself this time of year really rubs that in your face. For the most part, I can laugh that I don't have to deal with all that most of society has to. I AM FREE I AM FREE I AM FREE! I have zero pressure to do ANYTHING! There is NOTHING I HAVE to do! No one expects ANYTHING from me! It's SO GREAT! I have been feeling so good since September (we were screwing around with my Meds over the summer & now we got it pretty much perfect since September) I'm just so content & happy to be left alone and I just love my own little world here in my apartment, I actually wanted to make my own Holiday cards this year & they were fantastic. I'm an artist. I can't remember the last time I made my own cards.

I guess my point is is that I've figured out that I am what I am and thanks to SSDI and a great Psychiatrist (who got one of my cards by the way) I've found PEACE with & in my Life. Sure there's a pain now & then feeling a little sorry for myself that I don't get many cards or any gifts on Holidays, but being left alone is worth it in the big picture of things.

Anybody feel the same? Feel free to ask me about anything. I have allot of experience, boy DO I!


[This message has been edited by minerva (edited 12-21-2002).]

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