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Personality Disorder Message Board

Personality Disorder Board Index

Hello I'm New
Sep 10, 2003
Hello everyone...I'm new to this. I'm a college student and have been diagnosed with BPD, Bipolar, Social Anxiety, and OCD. It's real tough to figure things out sometimes. I have so many problems, I don't know where to start, but I joined this group mainly to get support because I feel like most people don't understand me. My last doctor couldn't figure out what was wrong with me and since everyone thinks I'm so manipulative and "gamey" I have been told that I have BPD since I was 15 (even though it's hard to diagnose it then, I know). I come from an abusive family background. My father abandoned my family when I was 13. Since then, I have been an extreme over-achiever to win his love. Relationships are extremely difficult for me. I can't get close to people, yet I want them to love me all the time, unconditionally (unless I'm irritable or are mad at them). I have intense mood swings that range from irritability to having tons of energy and racing thoughts to debilitating despair. I'm sick of taking medicine although I know I need it. I frustrate every one who is close to me, which is why I feel that nobody understands me. I feel all alone in the world sometimes, which is very hard. I take rejection very harshly, and if I'm not perfect, well I can't tolerate that. I don't know why I simply can't be happy. Everything seems to require more effort for me than for anyone else. I tell everyone that I don't think it's fair and that people are mean to me. Well, one of my friends said that I am manipulative and that I need to stop telling people that they are mean because it makes me look immature. I've had four hospitalizations in the past year, which has really sucked. Sometimes, I just don't feel like I'll ever get my life back together. Do any of you guys ever feel like this? I just want to be happy but in my experience I have found that happiness is most elusive. At least for me anyways. I take Abilify and Depakote which seem to be helpful when I actually take them. Let's see..what else should you know about me? I am just an intensely hypersensitive person and everything in the world seems to set me off. Well, I look forward to getting to know all of you. I hope that we can support each other.


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