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I can relate. I'm 21 and live with my fiance, who I believe to be the most understanding and patient man in the world. (How could he put with me, otherwise?) I also have a small group of friends who know me and what I have, and they'll be there for me regardless. Other than that, I have basically no one. The few people who understand me and can take the time to deal with me are my only friends. I've never been very social, though, and I rarely desire more social contact.
When I'm at home and I get really angry or depressed, I go take a shower. If my fiance notices me taking a shower in the middle of the day, he knows I'm not ok and tries to help- either by staying out of my sight or by being extra sweet to me.
I only pick fights with people I know best, people who I know will fogive me. It's not exactly the right thing to do, because I love these people and don't really want to fight with them... but sometimes I just can't control myself. Always apologize afterword.

Basically, when you're in a bad mood, try to avoid people and make sure they know you're not just ignoring them. Find something calming to do to when you get too upset, take a bath or go for a run. Everyone around you will get to know your cue and will try to be helpful when they see you're in a bad mood.

Also try some relaxation techniques, a few gentle yoga positions, deep breating, anything you know that you can use.
I'm glad you've had so much luck with the therapies!
I can't say the same for myself, though. I refuse to take my Risperdol- it makes me dizzy and sleepy. I can't function in the real world like that... :/
I recently started new meds for other issues and those are working fine, so all that's left is out of control moods. But hey, no more panic attacks or severe depression to add to the weight of the bpd.
My biggest tool to control my bpd is my fiance, who could calm anyone down given just a few minutes. He's *extremely* patient and always knows what to say. I've never had a verbal fight with him, let alone physical. With other men I've gone so far as throwing expensive home electronics at them, breaking crystal on purpose for attention (Oh, I'm so clumsy. Your friend should go home and you should come tend to me now!)... I've even started fist fights with one. I don't know if my fiance deserves all of the credit or whether I'm just controlling the BPD better now, but I'm much better than I was a few years ago!

I write, as well.. not exactly as you do, though. I write to get the anger out, and I've always deleted it later. Once I 'say it' I have no need to harbour the feelings anymore. It's like crying on your best friend's shoulder... and it almost always ends as a *****-fest. I hate this and I hate that! Just let it out and forget about it, that's all I do. I also do yoga and meditate, but that's not for everyone. Heh, it's especially hard when your mind's racing with so many things you deem wrong and need fixing. I don't know about you guys, but I think so much it literally takes me hours to fall asleep while my fiance starts snoring as soon as the lights go out. (I'm not sure if the sleep thing is part of another disorder, however...)

On Feb. 1st my guy told me he wasn't going to marry me until I was sane (exact words, too. sweet, eh?) I went to therapy for a bit and gave my guy a synopsis of the hour... neither of us thought it was doing me any good and he must have had a change of heart, because he proposed to me on memorial day. Some therapists flat out suck and can't help you. Not all people are compatible, no matter how friendly the parties involved. If you want a good therapist, expect to take a few months (or more) finding one for you.

Remember, though, that a major characteristic of BPD is hurting others' feelings, whether you mean to or not. It's easy to let things get out of control, but if you have caring and understanding friends they'll always forgive you.
Thank you for writing that. I was doing research on the internet regarding bpd, because i recently got into an argument with some friends, and realized that how i react, and how my perception of it, flip flops, how i felt so bad, and now i am angry at them. i dont really know, but it helps to hear that other people "sabotage" and im currently seeking help.

with what happened, i did it, and was aware at the time, but for some reason, i couldnt stop myself, they are new friends, and its almost like i wanted them to know how bad i am. it wasnt meant to hurt them, but it ended up so in the process. i could have lost some friends, and probably did. i just want to understand this disorder.
i am not on any medication, i actually go to the dr in tomorrow, and im looking forward to it. im just starting the process of finding out what is going on. i have been diagnosed with depression, but i do not fit the criteria anymore, nor do i feel depressed all the time. but having read alot about bpd, i am looking forward to talking to the dr about it.
thank you.
Good luck with your appointment!
Expect to take a while to get used to any new drugs, and it's possible that a few nasty side-effects will never go away. (I was on Risperdol for *months* and lactated (TMI, anyone?) the entire time, with it getting worse instead of any better!) >_<
I'm a freak, though, and get all the weird side-effects with drugs.

And I know it's easy to be very hard on yourself for the things you've done, but you really can't start to get better until you just forgive yourself, then really explain everything to your friends and apologize. To hell with the ones who don't/won't understand! Most of the bpd's I know have very few friends, but the ones we have will stick with us 'till the end of the world.
It's nigh on impossible to fully control our emotions without some kind of meds or counseling, so don't sweat it. I congratulate you for accepting that you did wrong... Now that you know a little about bpd, you can start to find your patterns and possibly avoid them in the future. You can't help anything until you start analyzing and knowing your actions, though. Otherwise you'd blindly go on and keep doing the same things, over and over.... :/

Anyway, I tend to go on and on, saying the same things. I just meant to wish you good luck...!





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