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Personality Disorder Message Board

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I just want to say that you sound like wonderful parents and she is extremely luck to have you. You'll make a positive difference in her life, however things turn out.

I don't know if the girl is borderline or not, but let me share my experience. My best friend is borderline. I don't think she's ever been diagnosed, but I am sure she is (I've never told her, because I don't want a label to affect her.) She sabatoges every close relationship she's ever been in, including boyfriends, family and friends. She quits job after job, has done drugs and drinks like a fish. When I was voted president of my sorority, the two of us worked all summer together to get ready for the next semester--then she got a group of people together and they all decided that SHE should be president! She just cut off contact with me after that--no apologies or anything--for six months. Get this. She did this to me after I had taken her to the emergency room for attempted suicide, stuck with her through an abusive boyfriend, and took her to the courthouse when she was filing bankruptcy. She hangs on to me and uses me when she needs me. I know this.

So why am I still friends with her? Because I really do care, and I know that I'm one of the few people who understand that she has BPD. She's been a great friend to me in a lot of ways (believe it or not), and I know that she does need me, so I want to be there for her. This is not a behavior problem. It goes deeper than that. I think that these people really need someone to constantly be there for them and comfort them when they mess up. I think they can change. I've known my best friend for about 5 years, and she's improved so much. She's now talking to her family again, has a decent job and a good boyfriend who treats her well. She may or may not keep these things. She is prone to leaving everything behind at a moment's notice. But she's told me that if it weren't for me, she probably wouldn't be around, and I believe her.

Don't think I'm trying to applaud myself for being a great friend or anything. My point is, a person with this disorder is needy because they do have unique needs. If you really love someone with BPD, you have to let them cling to you and realize that they will turn on you at times. I've done some reading, and it seems that people with this disorder have trust and self esteem issues. That's probably why they treat their loved ones so badly. Now in your stepdaughter's case, it might be something else. Maybe old habits just die hard. But I just want to say that if she does turn out to have BPD, you may have to be a mommy for the rest of your life. Expect that she'll improve, and don't ever cut her off. She'll owe her life to you in the long run.

Sorry, that was a lot...hope it helps.

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