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[I]This will be long...sorry![/I]

I know I should be going to a psychiatrist for information and to see if he/she can see anything wrong with me, but my parents probably wouldn't believe me if I told them if I had a social disorder...but I'm not for sure. I might.

Ok, here's the deal: I'm shy, [I]especially[/I] around stangers. I'm not as shy as I once was b/c with the help of my friend, I'm a little better off. I'm working on it. But still, I usually try to avoid going to social events. I get nervous around people I don't know or that is not close to me. Even some people close to me I have a hard time communicating with. Sometimes when I talk to some people, I stutter, I lose track of what I'm saying while I am speaking (I think that's from nervousness and my ADD put together or whatever), and I get the words in my sentence mixed around to where it doesn't make sense. My friends will be like,"What?"

My feelings can be easily hurt and I get embarrassed and red-faced easily. I'll try to talk out in some classes with like popular people in them and I'll stutter and/or my ears will get red and I feel my heart beating faster. At least I made the effort! lol. If I have to do something in front of the class, even if it's something little, I'll get all nervous worked up about it and I'll feel the butterflies in my stomach. When I'm doing, let's say it's a presentation, I'll feel ears going red again. Sometimes, I'll start shaking.

I remember going to dances at school, and now, when I look back on it, I feel embarrassed about me dancing with everybody, and now I'm not sure if I want to go again. Why could I dance with people? I guess it's because I lose myself while I'm dancing. lol. So, anyway, I am scared of being humiliated and to get my feelings hurt. I am sensitive. I self-criticize myself, if that makes any sense. I prefer to be alone a lot.

Anyway, I just don't see how some people feel so comfortable socially, even around strangers. I don't talk that much around stangers. I do have close friends and I talk to people, but some people that are not close, I don't want to talk to them too long or I'll start getting nervous again. And I do consider myself sometimes as worthless. I do feel like I'm being judged sometimes (strangers especially) and I'm so self-concious on how I act. I never had a b/f before and I might be scared to have a relationship right now.

I always try to make sure I'm doing something exactly right or make sure I talk perfectly so someone won't criticize me.

But sometimes I can be ok around people, as long as I'm familiar with them and I know that they are nice...that is usually people in Band class with they are all so cool.

Well, I'm done. I'm SO sorry that this was long :( I just hope someone could clear this up for me, this lost girl of 15 years! lol. So, is there something wrong with me or is this a normal thing for people? Thanx!

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