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Personality Disorder Message Board

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Right here man. I have been doing that for years and years and I have lost a lot of great friends because of bpd. I have screwed up wonderful relationships, you name it.
It's really hard not to when your brain is just functioning at that level. I usually end any friendship or relationship if they do one thing I don't like and I say to myself well they aren't worth my time forget it and completely cut them off...
I wont even answer their phone calls and change my number if I have to. Part of BPD is not really knowing who you are or where you fit in, and you have to know who you are to know who you want around you, that's why people with BPD have such a hard time keeping people around. I can't say it gets better, but I have never been on meds for it and it still plagues me.

Also, yes you really do want them around, but you feel forced to cut them off or create a situation to get rid of them. I still have dreams and temptations to become friends again with people i cut off long ago, but I have too much pride, it's very odd.
*sighs* i have soooo many friends i miss.. sooo badly.. i tend to go through friends rather fast.. with me though they tend to decide im not who they thought i was and decide they dont want anything to do with me.. or.. i dunno.. i just totally forget they exist for ages on end.. alot of the time i run from them thinking im not good enough for them... or, i decide that they are below me.. but thats generally when they realize that im not who they thought i was...

right now though.. im lucky to have two very good friends.. well, if you count verbally and emotionally abusive part of a good friendship.. were all three borderline and im still wondering how we have stayed friends for so long.. maybe because we all want to help each other, even as we want the abuse that the other gives us... i dunno..

someone whos healthy though.. yea.. i dont have any of those friends
Hi Caytie, its nice to know other people have this problem. I can't keep friends either, at least not close ones. I never knew I was causing the problems until I was diagnosed. I only found out i had BPD yesterday and now my life is clicking into place. I couldn't work out what was wrong and I had been searching for that perfect friendship all of my life. I am forty years old and have been struggling with the symptoms the whole time. i am extremely lucky as i found my soul mate at 18 and he has stood by me through all of the horrors and pain. Now I know, perhaps I can change how i deal with people and situations. I start psychiatric care next week for long term therapy. Hopeully this will help and talking to others and knowing you are not alone seems to give some comfort. If you need someone to talk to, I will be here to listen and perhaps we can help each other. Take care, i hope everything works out for you. Give yourself a break and don't be too hard on yourself. Kerry.
I can relate so much to everyone's stories on here. I have never been able to keep friends. The friends I usually do make are battling very similar demons, and the friendships are intense for a while, and then turn non existent. I've never understood it myself, but after years of tumultuous relationships with both men and women, I found a counselor that finally seemed to hit the nail on the head... BPD. And we are working through things, albeit very slowly. It is a trust issue. I can't tell you how many times I've purposely withdrawn from people though I didn't WANT to do it. I just couldn't pick up that phone or answer that email.

There have also been many times where friends have simply 'dropped' me, and it is devastating. But us borderlines tend to view things in such black and white terms- friendships are all or nothing. Right now in fact, I'm dealing with the loss of a friendship that meant so much to me. It's never easy.

These boards are a great source of therapy. It's nice to feel like people can understand.

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