Re: New Here, and I believe I have BPD

Thank You I'M Tired!
Today was a very difficult day! I feel so helpless right now. I have amazing friends around me. I have no reason to feel so depressed but I am.
I want everyone to notice me but at the same time I want to run away.

Today I did run away.
I was in a restaurant with my best friends and I suddenly got up and left. I drove down the road about 5 minutes then turned around and went back. Why? Was this a way for me to get their attention more? I don't understand why I am being like this.
And then I worry so much what this is doing to them. I feel so guilty that I am putting them through this.

It's only been 4 days since I admitted I have a problem and that all the symptoms point towards BPD.

I want help, but I don't know where to go. I don't trust myself, my reactions to others. I am afraid to be around others but don't want to be alone.

I don't want to emotionally hurt others. But I say such terrible things to those closest to me.

And now when I am with people and I start having urges to say hurtful things I instead go silent and start pulling at the skin on the back of my hands. It hurts but it keeps me from saying bad things.

I just don't know where to start looking for help. My regular GP won't be of any help. I mean I have gone to him in the past and he has just told me it's stress all will be fine.