Thank You I'M Tired!
Today was a very difficult day! I feel so helpless right now. I have amazing friends around me. I have no reason to feel so depressed but Iam. I want everyone to notice me but at the same time I want to run away.
Today I did run away. I was in a restaurant with my best friends and I suddenly got up and left. I drove down the road about 5 minutes then turned around and went back. Why? Was this a way for me to get their attention more? I don't understand whyIam being like this.
And then I worry so much what this is doing to them. I feel so guilty that Iam putting them through this.
It's only been 4 days since I admitted I have a problem and that all the symptoms point towards BPD.
I want help, but I don't know where to go. I don't trust myself, my reactions to others. Iam afraid to be around others but don't want to be alone.
I don't want to emotionally hurt others. But I say such terrible things to those closest to me.
And now when Iam with people and I start having urges to say hurtful things I instead go silent and start pulling at the skin on the back of my hands. It hurts but it keeps me from saying bad things.
I just don't know where to start looking for help. My regular GP won't be of any help. ImeanI have gone to him in the past and he has just told me it's stress all will be fine.