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Personality Disorder Message Board

Personality Disorder Board Index

i'm wondering if there is any hope that someone else can relate to my story, and tell me what kind of help i need. i have had mental issues since childhood. as a young child i had insomnia, a vivid imagination, and intrusive, scary and compulsive thoughts. i couldn't be alone, especially at night. addictions, compulsions and alcoholism run in my family. my father is a compulsive gambler & alcoholic, same as my grandfathers on both sides. my sister is a compulsive liar, shoplifter and gambler. most of my family on both sides have destroyed their lives because of their addictions/compulsions/issues. i can't help but wonder if i'm genetically screwed. i was able to have a pretty happy uneventful childhood, considering my issues. i had my first major anxiety attack at the age of 19, after smoking marijuana. although i had struggled with anxiety in one form or another all of my life, that one attack had sent me in adownward spiral. i ended up with major depression and panic disorder as my diagnosis. i continued to work and go to school, and somehow made it through. i then became a hypochondriac and would spend hours a day researching all of my symptoms. i can see the shifts over a lifetime, and i see a pattern to my personality changes. i have an explosive temper, and it is my mouth that usually gets me in trouble with friends and family. it's like i black out and can't remember screaming the hurtful words or obscenities at them. i have low self esteem and rely on others to make me feel good. i pretty much have no sense of self and will become a chameleon to please the people arround me. i'm overly concerned with my appearance, and am obsessed with coloring my hair. changing my complete appearance evry month or so. i am now going through a bad breakup and my divorce hasn't finalized. i am a single working mom of 3. there is way more....but please opinions needed. my counselor told me i needed to go into alcohol treatment and she couldn't help me until i did.

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