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Lori - Missed you! :bouncing:
Glad you got a response, and would love for you to post it!
I don't know about Tim. He went to counselling Wed and we talked yesterday. He showed the counsellor the book, I hate you don't leave me. They went thru the list of signs and symptoms. Tim asked him if he has anyone with it, the counsellor said yeah about 14 people, Tim said really?
Well long story short, he told me the counsellor told him that he didn't have BPD. I said, well then I don't think you were being completely honest with him regarding your answers, because I think you fit every one on the list! He said "oh really". I said yes. The counselor told him that he's a professional, he's got his degree's, he teaches a class on BPD, etc....and obviously discounted my opinion because after all.....I'm no doctor.....
I'm so sick of the arrogance. Yeah of course this clown wouldn't want to be TOLD what the problem is.....he's much rather be the one that "discovers" it.
He did tell Tim that I must care about him to write the letter and spend so much time researching what the problem could be, but according to him it's not BPD. The counsellor told Tim that we are probably doomed because we have different opinions....yeah right. Not because he's verbally abusive and disrespectful....but because I disagree with him.....
I'm so pissed! I've seen it first hand, this doctor saw him 4 x for an hour each, and of course he's not going to exhibit borderline behavior there. He will be on his best behavior and make it seem like I'm the one with the problem.......I'm insecure.....
That's what the doctor told him, I have some insecurities, and I'm welcome to go with him for his next counselling session. I told him I'd think about it. I'm going to ask him, what's the purpose? For me to explain to the doctor WHY I think you fit the criteria for BPD, or is it for him to find something wrong with me? I think it's a waste of time. I'm not even sure if the doctor knows he has BPD, but doesn't want to tell him, or if he's just discounting it because it was suggested by me.
Yes I do have some insecurities, but not enought to stay with someone who doesn't treat me right.
Hi Nakita,
I'm so glad you understand! Junior is EVERYTHING to me! His welfare comes before mine. And NO I did NOT train him to get up that early! That little sucker has an internal body clock.....I WISH he would sleep a little later, but it's 6:30-6:45 every day, rain or shine, weekend or not....he starts rustling around when the sun starts rising! In fact this weekend, he is going in to have a lump removed by laser surgery. He has mast cell tumors. It's like skin cancer in dogs, and everytime I find a lump we get it lasered off ASAP. He gets a local, he doesn't have to go under. I know he will be tired Sat from the procedure and he gets benadryl too because the mast cells have histamines in them. Now I guess I don't have to worry about a problem. I told tim I'm tired of all the stress regarding the sleeping arangements. Oh well, this weekend I guess it's a relief! :bouncing: Junior and I can stretch out in our own bed! LOL :bouncing:
And yes that's funny, it would be worse if Junior pissed on Tim instead of wanting to go out!
Even the counselor made a comment in passing that he who has the gold makes the rules. Tim didn't understand what that meant......duh sometimes he's so dense. I spelled it out for him before in the letter.....my exact words were...."I thought this was understood, but I guess it needs to be said, it's my house, my bed and my dog". I thought I made myself perfectly clear, but he keeps challenging me! He tells me that I should compromise for HIM, because he's a guest.
I know what you mean about some people. It really burns me when someone says something like......"it's JUST a dog".....I feel like saying, yeah and your child is "JUST a kid". My dog is more important to ME than your kid is to ME.
LOL
I don't think this will even work in the long run because I know after Junior goes, I will have another dog. I will not live my life without one. I did that from age 24 to age 31 (when I got Junior), and something was missing from my life. My childhood dog Danny was with me from age 10 to age 24 and I loved him so much! I worried that I wouldn't be able to love Junior as much as I loved Danny.....LOL boy was I wrong! So if he thinks if he hangs on until Junior goes it will be smooth-sailing, he's got another thing coming!
How is Jon doing? I hope he's improving, physically and attitude wise! :cool:
I have to take Junior out, but I will try to come back soon, I know tonite is possibly your last night....
I'm glad your BPD is at bay....you've got enought to worry about!
How is that cuddly teddy bear Larry! Give that guy a big hug!
:angel:
Hi Rose & Lauralee, :wave:

I'm still trying to recover from a week-long visit/training with domestic and international customers. My task list is never-ending these days. Pressure, pressure & more pressure...as if the holidays don't bring enough of that! ;)

Rose, the 'episode' (that's what I refer to them when Frank has them) is so like what I always experience with Frank. Since our timing seems to be similar, I'm wondering if my turn is about to come. Frank didn't seem too much like himself on the phone last night (I had my rug class so I didn't see him). I applaud you for standing your ground. I swear, the dialogue you described is all too familiar to me. Like you, I'm weary of desperately trying to 'clarify & explain' myself. Any simple-minded human being seems to interpret what we're saying, yet these men cannot.

It's tiresome to continually defend loving a pet, a parent or any other family member. It's tiresome to explain that loving these other people/animals doesn't mean we love these guys any less. It's their issue. I'm tired of shouldering Frank's issues - or even just knowing he expects me to. If I don't, he tries his utmost to lay the guilt trip (much like Tim does with you). Again, I applaud you and hope that I can muster up the strength as you have. That was an AWFUL thing for Tim to say about Junior. I love the email you sent him, too - yet he STILL turns it back on you. So, sooo familiar to me. If I didn't know any better, I'd think Tim and Frank were the same person.

Lauralee, I'm hoping your internet service continues past the 19th. What will we do without you on here? It's always good to get your fair perspective. I love the idea of your handmade gifts - they'll be more 'special'. I'm making a primitive wool rug at the moment for my sister - with gingerbread men and hearts on it. I thought it might bring fond memories for her of when my late father & I used to make thousands of Christmas cookies together.

I know it's stupid of me to clean the trailer for Frank. Bonk me on the head for that. I'm just one of those people who can only look at it for so long. I don't dust/vaccuum, etc. The most I'll do is wipe down the kitchen floor quickly to get the dog pee cleaned up. I just can't cook/eat in that type of environment. I usually wash my plate, etc., as well. I've been leaving the real kitchen clean up for him to see to, yet he never does. Then he'll say, "Something stinks in here..." and he'll briefly look around trying to find the source of the smell. You're right - I should tell him I won't be over until HE cleans it up. Shame on me for taking on his responsibility. However, I noticed on Saturday evening when I went to use the bathroom that there were two piles of dog crap in his bedroom. I didn't say a word and did NOT clean them up. I did ask him on Sunday evening how long he intended to leave them there. I'll have to check to see if he ever bothered to clean them up the next time I go there. I may have already asked you this, I can't remember, but is this a BPD trait - the uncleanliness - or is it just laziness as I suspect it is? You come across as a clean person. I know that nobody's perfect, but Frank's living conditions become ridiculous - and fast. I have not read about anything in detail - only that some BPD's will neglect themselves and that's the only thing I can relate this to.

Well, I'm at work and busy as heck. I hope both of you are doing well in spite of the problems we're facing on a day to day basis lately. I'll try to check in later today or tomorrow with both of you.

Lori
Hi Girls,

Lauralee, I didn't think the uncleanliness was a BPD trait either, but I had either heard or read somewhere that it's not uncommon for someone with a mental disorder to neglect themselves. I guess I was relating the self-neglect thing to Frank's uncleanliness. Whether that's fair or right of me, I don't know. I guess I'm just looking for answers.

You and I are much the same - I have an organized mess as well and for the same reason (lack of space). Our housekeeping habits are identical as well. If you saw Frank's tub, you'd wonder who on earth would step in and out of that thing and feel 'clean' after having been in it. ;)

Rose - just hang in there. I think your responses to Tim are great! And TRUTHFUL - whether he likes it or not. I couldn't even say those things to a person who I disliked, much less to someone I'm supposed to love. How terrible. Those words had to sting you soooo hard - I could even feel them on my end. Be strong and you know Lauralee and I are here for you.

Well, here's a quick update for both of you from my end. Saturday night Frank fell asleep and I was putting his clean laundry away. I found a bottle of little white pills - they were in one of his old oxycontin prescription bottles. I know they're not the oxy he'd been taking up until a year ago because they were a greenish blue color. I sort of quietly freaked out inside and counted the pills - there were 10 of them. I didn't know what to do so I just counted them, hoping they were just something old that he'd forgotten he had. Well, I counted them last night - there are only 5 now. So he's definitely taking something. I wanted to take one to my pharmacist and ask what it is, but I was afraid he'd notice since there were so few in the bottle.

Do you think I should confront him? I want to - but I was thinking of waiting until he gets back from his trip to FL. He's supposed to leave late next week. I'm angry - I've done nothing but defend myself and been called a liar, BY A LIAR. It angers me and it makes me sad/sick and all sorts of things I'm feeling all at once. I'm not sure how or if I should approach him. I do NOT for one minute want him thinking he's pulling the wool over my eyes.

Well, I hope you two are doing well. Thank God it's Friday! I can't wait to sleep in this weekend. I've got a ton of wrapping to do for Xmas and I sure hope I get to bake before the holiday. I may need to wait until the week after. My dad and I used to bake thousands of Xmas cookies together. So it brings me fond memories. Lauralee, how's Jon doing?

Lori





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