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Personality Disorder Message Board

Personality Disorder Board Index

Hi ~ I am new to this board and have been reading quite a bit. It is nice to know that I am not alone.

I have BPD. At first, I didn't want to believe it and didn't. But now I have come to realize that it isn't just one more fatal flaw. (Because to me, as a BPD, I am completely flawed.) Someone used the phrase "empty core" and I think that is a good description.

I have been told ever since I can remember that I am "too thin-skinned", "overly sensitive", and "fly off the handle" too easily. I think I have internalized every negative and abusive thing said and done to me ~ it is like I cannot forget it, get past it, not believe it, whatever. As I child I wished I was "Sally". It was my big fantasy; if only I could be "Sally". (Now of course, I am so very happy that I am not her!)

I am trying to recover with therapy and medications. This has not been easy.

My husband tells me that I have ruined his life, the past 10 years have been hell and I am the one with the problem, not him. One day he seems to be supportive, the next, he wants a divorce. He is verbally and emotionally abusive. We are both going to counselling together, so maybe we can heal together. I don't know; I just keep working towards feeling better about myself one day at a time. And it is so hard.

I have noticed this: I am perimenopausal. Right before my periods, I usually have an "episode". Any little thing will set me off and I will rage. I will threaten to leave. Could this be partly hormonal? Is that why more women have it than men?

I am trying to learn what appropriate anger is. And how to appropriately express it. And for me, that is so very difficult as I grew up with a BPD Mother and a controlling, "workaholic" Father.

Any insight and stories from other recovering BPD's would be appreciated by me.

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