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Personality Disorder Message Board


Personality Disorder Board Index


YEah I think I would classify more into a histornic then any other. Maybe boderline. Maybe I am not crazy and I just analyize things too much. I mean is it really manipulateing when you are trying to be the center of attention? I just really enjoy makeing people laugh and seeing my unique personality. It makes me feel good and that is how I am. People are right though everyone has traits of mental disorders. I have actually read somewhere that like 70% of the pop has a diagnosable mental disorder at some point in thier life. It really comes down to how you define it. I dont ever get violent, or phyically abusive or anything like that. I just get on ppl's nerves and I have a problem with intimate relationships, as well as being assertive. When it comes to warmness I have problems with that. Like when someone touches my unconscious reaction is to pull back and tense up. I really dont try to do it, it just happens...and it seems abnormal to me. Anytime a girl tries to get close to me or into my life I always push them away...but then I am always sad that they leave. the question I ask myself is why would they want me? Then later I will tell myself that they would love me because I am so unique and funny. Maybe I am boderline I dun no.

Oh yeah about the party question. I am the guy at the party whos is makeing the scene by being funny, little goofy or whatever. But when someone comes up to me and gets in my personal space I just get completely uncomfortable. I def think that I do have problems with competetion and aggression.
What do you mean there already is a problem? and you have to question your motives?

Also I always thought that thinking about what others think is a part of being self less not selfish. I want to know what you think so that I can understand you, your attitudes, another person different than from me.

So you said you were drug threw the dirt? What happened? I just don't see yet how wanting to know what others think of us is bad? But I think what you are describing is seduction? Getting another to become fixed on us and our worth? I find everybody where I live to be like this and nobody ever returns the love? It is never reciprocal. I am in a college setting and the selfishness is off the charts here IMO.

But the way the way I think is I don't want my boss thinking I am skum because then I might not get an appraisal or a raise etc. Or if a professor thinks I am skum then she will humilate me with cutting and rude comments made towards my work...which has happened. So if I know that somebody is thinking I am skum then I can change it by either avoiding the person and knowing that is not true. etc. If not I will keep working on trying to impress until I get what I want....basically sometimes the reinfocers are on an unknown/unpredictable schedule so I don't stop trying to get the attention until I know what the other person thinks of me.

It is an obsession though-you are right. I am a person who wants to have plastic surgery and learn to do many things that are impressive. I remember when I graduated high school. Because in high school I was snubbed and not part of the in crowd. Very unpopular person I was. I was even made fun of by the ugly people. I was snubbed by the minorities. I had hardly any friends and the friends I did have were manipulative and liars. So as soon as I graduate I read all these books on how to become popular, how to be perfect, how to look perfect, how to speak well, how to socialize, I started to make good grades in college, tried overly hard to be accepting of others, etc. and it is like no matter how perfect I am there still is NO good results. Also no matter how I let go and let my life fall apart...such as gaining weight, not getting enough sleep, being rude and sarcastic when I feel like it, not taking baths or showers, not cleaning my laundry, not caring what people thinking, walking around depressed and iritated and being ok with it...still I didn't get what I wanted. I always wanted to be popular, liked, a friend to many, appreciated, respected, happy and loved...and nothing works. I've even been snubbed by the Christian community! It is like "ew you are still no good to us" I will never be good. That is why I am nearly always complaining and agitated.
so if somebody is abusive or disrespectful or discriminating etc you should just go with the flow. See I like that philosophy to a degree in some situations but I hate the feeling of being abused which almost always happens...either way.,,whether I am aggressive back or passive it still happens but the difference is that I feel less humilitated after I have fought back and won. If I don't win then oh well I get over it. If I say "hmm oh well I was taken advantage of over and over. It just happens that way". or "fighting it and getting what I want from people" which makes me feel better! haha I know it goes against what your saying.

BUt an example of me still wanting what I want is when I filed a discrimination complaint against a professor and I won it! Also I filed against some classmates for harassing me and I won it and they were punished. So I am not bothered by them anymore. Also I filed a complaint against another teacher for harassing me and I had her the following year and she was very very very respectful and kind to me. He whole attitude changed towards me after I wrote her director a very detailed and angry complaint.

The sad thing is that everybody is selfish , some more than others, and I will not let anybody abuse me. I had enough of it. Even as adult I am fed up with it and anytime I get discriminated or treated unfairly I report it. That is why there are school and work policies against harassment and discrimination. You also have rights in this country too, that say you have the right to fight back and get your way. It doesn't mean you are GOD but it means you have rights and dignity too. ALthough I've been to one very anal retentive and cantankerous christian advisor who told me that I shouldn't stand up for my rights and just accept that there is abuse and there will be abuse within the church...so I was like UM no you are not going to bamboozle and trick me and conive me no way..see ya. never went back to him again. Filed a complaint against his trickery too.

I see some of the things that you say as helpful and understandable but at the same time it almost like you went to a psychologist or counselor and they brainwashed you to think that about yourself. Just my opinion. I've already heard those type of statements concocted by evil therapists only to have a one up on their clients. Although it is true we are not God and God does have the final say but you as a human have your own volition and self autonomy.
The psychodynamic therapy states something to the effect that narcissists and people with bipolar have grandiosity which is similar to trying to be God. And yeah I've run into people like this and they just have no empathy. I think the main idea is just to get these people to have empathy...that is what should be worked on in therapy. Empathy training and assertiveness. I've had it done and I love it! A lot of things go my way now. Sure not everything will go our ways but it is our life. We deserve to be happy and if predictablity is one of the things that helps us to be happy then let it be.

So have you been seeing a psychodynamic therapist?





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