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Personality Disorder Message Board


Personality Disorder Board Index


I'm verry sorry that you are in your current situation, and I want you to know I feel your pain COMPLETELY! I am married to a BPD and she was that way for far too long. You are fortunate for being so young in your relationship and not having ties to keep you together (kids, marriage, money, etc...). You are in a very bad situation, but you must make a decision soon. If she is a BPD, then her road to recovery will be LONG and HARD, and you will suffer much more than you already have. Having experienced the hardships of living with a BPD in recovery, I can tell you that you will be dealing with HER, not YOU, for a long time to come. I know you feel hurt and pain, and you did nothing to deserve it, and yet it is HER that is the focus. Her pain, not yours, is what deserves the attention, even though it is You that got hurt in the first place.........this is the nature of BPD. Well, you must decide if you want to stay or go, FIRST. She can recover, if she has the strength and commitment. But it won't be easy for her, and if you stay for recovery, then you will feel the full efffect of her pain and fear.....that is the nature. But if you stay, then your relationship can become something so much greater than what you ever thought it could be, if you love her, if she truly loves you, and if you both can endure the hell that you must walk through to get to heaven. Or you could go and cut your ties now, before it is too late, before she clings on to you for dear life or you have kids to "solidify the relationship"(......a course of action that alot of BPD's take to stay in a relationship). If you want to see this through to the end, then you have bitten off more than you ever wanted to chew, but the reward is tenfold. If you want to leave this pain behind and let her deal with herself, then go quickly and completely, leaving nothing behind for her to cling to and draw you back into her chaos.

Remember that she is suffering, whether she realizes it or not, and that it is NOT YOUR FAULT. You may be the one who feels the pain of what she is doing, but she is hurting inside more than you may ever know. She is sick, and she needs help. You cannot save her and you cannot make her change. Only she can reach out for help, and only she can take the necessary actions to help her own situation. If you decide to stay, then this needs to be the next step taken.

Stephen





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