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Personality Disorder Message Board

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The way I had Borderline explained to me was that it works as an emotion amplifier. Where a balanced person feels a little happey, one with Borderline is estatically bouncing off the walls. The same way with anger, if a balnced person feels a little irritated, one with borderline can explode at the littlest thing. A lot of times it is internalized. Even when I explode in anger, it is never dirested towards anyone other than myself, but if anyone is present it still affects them. When I was younger, I put my hand and feet through soooooo many mirrors, walls doors, etc for any reason. I once threw a chair through a mirror because my hair wouldn't style right. I am soooooooo happy to say that I no longer have an issue controling my anger. The tip is dealing with the little things as they come to me, rather than let them pile up before I snap. I have read that people who have borderline respond to stress with irritablilty, agression and anger a lot of times.

The worst experience I ever had with the anger was one day when I had to go to work. I started crying uncontrollably for NO reason and got so mad at myself for it. It escalated, the more angry I got, the more I cried and panicked. Eventually I snapped and trashed my apartment. I ended up smashing a mirror and cutting my face up because I couldn't stand looking at myself. It was such a relief to feel all of the emotion released from doing it.
Sometimes I cut to relaease or deal with all the over whelming emotions and sometimes, it as punishment, and other times it is because I become so emotionally numb, I need to feel something. I haven't cut in two years and I have FINALLY quit sabotaging my life so much. Sometimes we hurt or punish ourselves with out doing physical harm. When things start going our way whether in love, work, or friendship, we tend to sabotage or push people away because in the back of our minds we feel that we don't deserve it. This may be why you snap on your friends at times. I can't really say, but it could be possible. I always did such self-destructive things but never realized it until I got the therapist I have now. I always thought it was my Bipolar that caused most of my problems. I was actually relieved when I found out what Borderline was. A lot of the things about me that scared me or I hated about me, was actually my illness and not really me. It helped me a lot to accept it and to learn to deal with it.

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