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Personality Disorder Message Board

Personality Disorder Board Index

Well, I知 not sure where to put this, but I seem to have a totally addictive/compulsive personality.

It seems that it痴 always something that I知 going out of control with. A while ago it was money and shopping. Ever since I was about 19 I致e had bouts of compulsive spending where I can spend thousands in weeks, and know what I知 doing and feel sick and guilty as I知 doing it, but can稚 seem to stop myself. These tend to come every few months or so, and in between I知 pretty quiet and reserved, shopping-wise.

Right now I知 not in a shopping binge, but I am eating so much junk foodI quit smoking 2 years ago and for the 6 months following I gorged myself on food and put on almost 20 pounds. I then took control (for the first time in my life. I致e always been naturally thin with a fast metabolism so never had to lose weight or even think about it before this) and lost the weight in the next 6 months, and it痴 not risen much again yet, but I can feel myself completely slipping into hyper-indulgence mode with food. I leave the house with good intentions to only eat sushi and water and Subway and stuff, but then I go to have lunch and somehow end up thinking, I want McDonalds. Screw it! I知 having it! (and often chocolate and donuts as well) *sigh* I have NO willpower at all right now it seems.

Why must there always be something I知 binging on/addicted to, so to speak? Why can稚 I just be normal and balanced? I feel like I知 completely out of control with whichever my current binge focus usand I know most people are like this to an extent, but with me it痴 just really destructive. I literally spend so much money when I spend, and I eat so much crap, or I smoked incessantly for years and could very well start again at any point I fear*sigh*

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