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Personality Disorder Message Board

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Hi! I have a previous post about a dificult relationship that i was in...

I am having a few difficulties with my life and i need to know if i have any form of personality disorder.
I will go to see a psych, but i would first like to know from any1 online weather they think i may have a problem.

I have been doing alot of soul searching, and this is what i have found out about myself, please try help me if you can

I have a hugh problem with being alone, i cant sit in a room alone, my mind wonders alot and i get depressed, i think bout my ex, i think about what ive achieved i think about everything but nothing good.
I cant even sit at home alone, someone has to be there with me
the only time i can be alone is when i am extremly busy

Ive never know that i had a problem before, my brother was a hugh reason for that he was always there, he was much younger so when i wasnt out with friends or busy, he was there for me to keep me occupied
Hes gotten much older now and is living his own life and doesnt really have time for my needs,he is ther for me but what i seem to need is someone to dedicate themselves to me, he is a good bro, my demands on him were unreasonable i know that now.

i have been in a few relations before, my last 1 was with a girl who had bpd, learning about her conditions and other disordeds sort of opened my eyes to my own problems

Every other relationship that i have been in, never lasted and honestly it was because i used to fall madly in love with who ever gave me attention and rush things, i pretty much scared women away.

I dont have much self confidence either, i can pretend to be very confident, but im just lieing.

I have alot of 'friends", but none of them really no me, i change myself to suit who im with.
It sorta because i dont really know me.

I care too much about what other people think, and i have a hugh ego issue, ive lived my entire life thus far coping the actions of my friends to not be an outsider, where ver i am or which ever situations im in i change myself to suit it. i dont seem to have a me.

I also do this thing, where if i have a problem i think up outlandish ways of fixing them, like i daydream of have 'powers', i seem to just want to be special.
I have delusions of grandure, where i think that my life will be special somehow and that im better than every one else.

Ive tried to cheat on my last girfreind alot especially when we fough or i was away on buisness.
It wasnt because i was horny or any other reason, i did it for 2 reasons, i had this uncontrolable distrust of her so i would try cheat on her before she did it to me, and i just wanted to feel loved and adored.

I get moody, pretty fast as well, not all the time. But i generally seem to be in a very good mood, or a depressed one, there is no middle ground

I dont self mutilate or anything, i do have some uncontrolable physical behavior i cant sit stil my legs automatically shake, i keep dislocating and relocating my jaw(old accident), sometimes i have random muscle spasm.

I also have great difficulty sleeping, the only way i can sleep normally without lieing there for hours awake is to go to gym and do excersise till im completly exhausted

All these thing i have said, is nothing i can really control i know that i have a problem know and try hard to not do these things, but unless i activly think about what my actions the entire day, i just revert to "the way i am"

This i all i can think about, It feels weird at 23 living a life that has absolutly no substance.

I can feel the problems right now because there is no one there for me to get attention from, my bro and friend are busy with their own llives and i dont seem to have any substance. I cant operate without some one else to copy or to get adored or be liked by.

Please help, any one.

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