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Personality Disorder Message Board


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Hello,

I have been doing a lot of research on the boards about my husband of 17 years. I thought, and so did he, that he may have bipolar but he said meds are not for him. I am now starting to wonder if it is more BPD than anything else. He was a wonderful man at first and then he would do the Dr. Jeckyl/Mr. Hide thing. Over the past couple of years it has just gotten much worse and I do not know what to do. I love him very much yet hate him most of the time. He has made me hate myself. I doubt everything I do because I am always the blaim of everything.

Here are some examples:

being very jealous, of everyone, I have never done anything to make him doubt me with men but he says that he knows if I was given the chance I would screw around. He is even jealous of my girl friends and must be bi to have a close relationship with one. He claims most of his ex's would mess around but I think he was just insecure.

always argues everything, he is always right even if proof is right there. If I argue back why do I have to prove something, if I do not, it is because I am guilty or do not care.

I am accused of not loving him enough. He says he has told me this for 18 years but not true. He would always tell me in the beginning he was missing something from his mom (single mother) and he was sure no one could love him the way he needed. Only past year he has said I do not love him enough. How? I tell him everyday how much I love him, How much I admire him, how proad I am, I try and hold him but he does not want to be held. Try and give him a hug but it is too late now. Yet he will then turn around and complain again about how I do not love him or show it. I always put him first, it is what he wants, what he would not want, yet I am selfish and only think about myself.

He has sudden extreme rages for no reason. If the order is not right in fast food it is my fault and then he will start screaming and flipping out in the car. We argued for a week because the spaghetti noodles were a little soggy which resulted in him being a butt. He actually cut up my clothes on the 3rd day because he said he had to let the anger out. Yet each day I would say I was sorry, try and talk to him and all and he would say there was nothing I could do, the damage was done, do not worry about it.

He wants me to explain things to him about how I feel but it is not what he wants to hear. I do not know what he wants to hear but my answers are not it.

He constantly brings up the past, things from the beginning like him being sick and me still needing to go to work (he had been out for 2 weeks between chicken pox and hurt back but that was my fault because my much younger brother had stayed the night when he had the fever for chicken pox, like many of us know, the fever is before the poxs so how did I know that was it.) He says I left him, never there for him when he needs me. I have stood by him through thick and thin and no matter what keep coming back for more. He has no friends but that is my fault because he gave them up when we started dating, no they were gone. Some of them would tell me how they hated to drink with him because everyone would be having a good time and he would bring up something from years before and just punch them in the face.

Do these things sound like BPD or just plain ole anger. Would meds help get the anger under control or is this pretty much just him. I just want the man I met and fell in love with back.





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