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Personality Disorder Message Board

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Hi Karen :wave:

I hope you enjoyed your day off and did something really fun. :)

When I get down, I will often go to the mall and walk around. Unfortunately, I often end up spending too much money...that's one of my BPD traits...buying stress I'm making concerted efforts to stay away from malls and tempting websites where I've shopped til my credit cards herniated in the past. ;)

What I did the last time I shopped and spent too much was invested in something I really enjoy that would continue to give me pleasure so I don't feel tempted to go out and spend more. I have some favorite movies that I like to watch, some I can watch over and over and never get tired of. Well I found them on sale and bought four. So now when I get the blues in the evening and there's nothing else I want to do to occupy my mind, I pop one of those in.

I also have a truck load of books to read to improve my mind and philosophy and I've joined those two classes. That gets me out among the living and helps me focus on the positive. And then I have you guys here to keep me going. I value your's and Lil's friendship very much. I have other friends and my family, but they don't know me like you two do because they don't understand the BPD. I can really talk to you about how I'm feeling and what I'm trying to accomplish and you get it because you know what it's like. We can share our experiences and support each other through the cobwebby and murky days...the ones that try to tie our feet up in seaweed (usually of our own making) and pull us under. :angel:

I know that if I stop focusing on the negative and start focusing on the positive, that good things are going to happen to me because, even if something bad happens I can look at it and try to find the positive in it. My attitude is going to be positive because I'm going to remain focused on the lesson to be learned from the situation.

I should have learned some lessons earlier in life that I didn't and now I'm back in class and it's costing me more to take it again. That's how life works. We keep getting these lessons thrown at us until we learn them. I can accept that and learn the lesson this time and go on. Or I can be angry about it and become bitter and resentful and climb into my illness fully and have a big old pity party.

The last option most assuredly has me loosing my home, filing bankruptcy, and moving to a Medicare nursing home within a few months. The first option has me accepting what's already happened and trying to make the best choices to climb out of the hole I've been thrown into/dug/jumped's kind of a mix.

Enough of that boring downer. Whew! I'm enjoying a quiet day. Later, I'll see if I can install my new internet service. If I get hung up, maybe I can get my son over tomorrow to help me with it. He's Mr. IT...that's his profession...information technology. He and his girlfriend are out enjoying the Chinese New Year festival today since we aren't doing the move.

Anyway, I decided to get rid of my current cable provider and switch to DSL and satalite. Too much lag time with cable when people get home and it's always going down. They say the only time I'll have trouble with satalite is during storms possibly, but I don't get good electric service during storms anyway and try not to run anything during storms to prevent surges as it is--surge protectors or not. They tell me that I won't have the lag time with this new service no matter how many people are on line. We'll see.

It could be my computer, that's probably what my son would say because he just got a new one, but I didn't have this lag before the new cable company came into Houston. It's always going out, the service sux, they want to charge for every little thing and the prices have gone through the roof. By switching I've cut my bill in half from a month ago when I add up all of my services this is covering. I think that's cool.

The only thing that stopped me from doing this sooner was my almost-ex not calling and switching this one account into my name. You see, things really are turning around in my favor! Isn't it wonderful that he's becoming so cooperative?

Well, I've rambled on long enough. Again, I hope you had a really great day!

Love ya, Karen :angel:


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