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Personality Disorder Message Board

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Am I BPD? :(
Oct 8, 2008
Hello everyone,
I realize this is probably a idiotic question to ask you guys, who infact suffer this and have to live with this daily.
The reason I ask you is because you know the symptoms, you know what is and isn't better than anyone, probably even professional psychiatrists, as YOU and not THEY have to live with this.
All my heart out to you brave survivors :)

Anyway, I raelize none of you can "diagnose" over the internet or are "professionals" I just want a indication.

As a kid I was normal, pretty much atleast ( who is 100% "normal" ?:P ), always tried to be nice to my mom (my dad was absent), my brother and sister.
I had a "stepfather" who was a little unease, he must have had some emotional problems during those years, he screamed and scared the shit out of us all the time (never physical though).
Due to this, I developed some anger management problems, throwing plates and * after him when he tried to chase me and scream at me for no reason (for me this was selfdefense as a small kid).
As I grew older (10-12) I had even more angry outbursts, but never went physical on anyone, except for one teacher who threw me to the floor (he was fired for this incident), I threw a chair in the back of his head after he left me on the ground bleeding from my nose. (however, under the extreme circumstance I think it was proper).
I also cursed my mom out, told her to go die, I was very rebellious(but I've been since kindergarden, hated all authority), but always felt bad afterwards and tried to "make up" for it.

I've always been a emotional, but rational person, if I'm about to do something bad, I usually know beforehand, and if I do something bad
always feel bad afterwards.
Never hurt anyone on purpose.

I had several girlfriends in my early teens, but then I had a girlfriend for 2 years and life was great but she lied a lot,almost pathological, just retarded lies, to make herself seem more interesting, which unfortunately made me very suspicious of whether i could trust her or not.
This escalated into a * relationship, me not trusting her, she lying about retarded shit, this was partly my fault, I ain't blaming it on her lying, it was me who couldn't control my jealousy.
I have Pure O(mental ocd) which means I get * thoughts into my head, which I almost believe, so I often obsesssed what would i do if i lost the only thing in my life I truly loved?
So i became very jealous...(almost possessive, though I never viewed her as MINE, like a object).
I never hurt her on purpose and when I sometimes shouted at her for lying, I always felt bad.
anyway, this relationship ended due to other things that was neither of ours fault.

I smoked a lot of weed in my mid-teens, got caught by cops, but kept smoking(as I see nothing wrong with weed, I dont see it as a drug more than alcohol), which started building up anxiety, then my dad died, which triggered a panic disorder, which resulted in my depersonalized and derealized (numb, and the world looking fake), I realize panic with dp/dr is VERY often induced by marijuana and can be totally cured after reading hundreds of similar stories on *
I quit the weed, but still struggle with panic disorder and DPDR and OCD.
I can still have some uncontrolled outbursts, last was 6months ago, when my stepfather (the same who vverbally abused me as a kid) told me he had the power to kick me out if he wanted to, which resulted in a verbal exchange, which then turned to me hitting him in the face and leaving the house for a week.
However more often than not do I control my emotions....
I'm just very vulnerable due to my panic disorder and constant mental exhaustion from Pure O.

However, could it be more severe, like BPD?

I know most will say "ask a professional", this isn't me diagnosing myself, I'm asking for opinions...
Is this the typical behaviour of a BPD sufferer or a teenager with some problems and * environment?

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