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I'm with the most generious, kind, gorgeous man ever, I consider myself very lucky to have met him and to be with him after being his best friend for 10 years before we got together. How he looks after me I have to admire him but recently my conditions are killing our relationship.

My C-PTSD can make me have blank outs where I am unaware of what I am doing or most of the time even remember what I have done. Along with flash backs, anxiety attacks, the shakes (and lots of other things that if I listed them all i'd be here for a long time). I can wander off to places where I am unaware of where I am going and it is only when I come round I realise I am somewhere I shouldn't be. As for my BPD, I can be prone to having interpersonal relationships (which can make me prone to drifting from person to person), I see things in black and white (good/evil), I can self harm, have suicide attempts and many more.

Being a career that has to deal with your loved one having one of these conditions must be hard but two, I totally admire him.

The problem is he seems to be dealing with too much and then on friday his best mate come round to our house while he was out, got me drunik, which cancelled out my mood stablizing tablets I am on and we ended up kissing. No I don't like this guy and OMG I have ruined everything or certianly feel like it. I know this is part of my stupid BPD but i can't help it and although I made a promise to my partner that I wont do it again, he knows (and I do) that its unlikely that I can keep the promise due to my condition.

Any advise would be a help? I don't want to loose the one thing that keeps me going
Don't use your BPD as an excuse to cheat. You say "I can't help it due to my condition" but that is absolutely not true... sure it's hard to control the thoughts, feelings, and urges that come with it but you are absolutely responsible for your own behavior. I have BPD tendencies as well and used to cheat but I haven't in years and I never would again and that was a conscious decision on my part to not engage in those behaviors, no matter what.

Also, he didn't "get you drunk" unless he poured alcohol down your throat with your hands tied. You chose to get drunk with his friend and to kiss him... the alcohol didn't make you do it, nor did the BPD. It'd be one thing if you said that you made a mistake, but by saying "it'll probably happen again due to my condition," you're just setting yourself up to cheat on him again. I think you need to work on taking responsibility for yourself instead of blaming other things.

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