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Am i a sociopath
Apr 5, 2010
Recently i was accused of being a sociopath, i wasn't sure what exactly a "sociopath" really was so i looked it up..

it was overwhelming of how much of its symptoms applied to me.

most of them i didnt really notice until they were pointed out to me, from a small kid i can remember stealing things and abusing my sister and pets, even when the risk of physical punishment was involved i kept on stealing and hurting people. i never thought about it, of course i knew it was wrong, but couldnt really explain why i would do these things, but i would keep on doing them without remorse for my actions. ive always been able to persuade and manipulate people to get what i want, i still manipulate my own father, and half the time i dont even think that im doing such a thing.

ive always had a superficial charm, always changing my personality around different types of people to adjust to that crowd, but always to get what i wanted.

i have constantly screwed over many friends without realizing it, and again i know these things are wrong but i feel know guilt for any of it and it continues to happen. Its never direct, and i often dont notice it and sometimes dont care to notice it but i have hurt a lot of friends and a lot of girls in my life.

After i was laid off at my job the first thing that came to my mind was getting revenge on my boss. i had thoughts of burning his house, i had dreams of my old work burning with him inside. when i was kicked out of school with some other friends for having drugs, they all gave up and went on with my lives, i didnt want the situation to end so i threatened all kinds of indirect lawsuits to force them to let me back in.

i am a pathological liar, which is why ive screwed up so many relationships. even when it has nothing to do with anything, ill lie. i make up stories all the time for no reason other than to tell it.

i am not a very social person, i hate public places and being around people im not familiar with, it makes me uncomfortable and paranoid. i over think things and when it comes to socializing it just doesnt happen, i strongly dislike change around me and i have a lot of trouble adjusting to all of it. i get extremely frustrated over insignificant matters and i feel no empathy for things where anyone else would feel such empathy. even for the smallest things, i tend to lose interest easily and go about doing my own thing, whatever it may be.

ive always been able to rationalize the malicious behavior ive omitted over the years in a way that didnt make it wrong. i was always able to place the blame on others by over rationalizing situations even when the blame is clearly on me. whenever i got in trouble for such behavior i would lie, make up an alias, or instantly sell out a lesser friend as a scapegoat to get me out of trouble, or even to prolong the punishment.

i have never truly loved, not even my own parents. when the thought of death comes to mind, all i see is a change that will take some adjusting.

i have no direction nor any motivation to do anything in life, even at work. ive never had a good work ethic. i see no reason to do anything and no reason i should live, nor a reason why i should die.

i have a constant need for stimulation, its turned me in to a chain smoker, i always have to be doing something, i make verbal outbursts in class to get attention.

i am always taking advantage of my friends and family at any time, i feel some contempt for their distress but ive only ever used it to take advantage of them.

ive always had problems with juvenile delinquency and behavior problems, my parents sent me to therapy for anger management, i was able to fool the therapist and was labeled "cured" fairly quickly. its hard for me to keep promises and to make plans ahead of time, im very impulsive on the activities i do. and ive lived a very parasitic lifestyle, leeching off my parents for the last year, getting money however i coul, and convince my parents in any way that i could.

and lately i have been overly obsessed with experiencing what everyone has experienced from birth and throughout their lifetime, things i have yet to do but everyone else has, im overly obsessed with achieving my so-called god given rights, or at least fitting in, which lead to more lying.

but if i am a socipath, how do i help myself? i want to be normal, i want to feel love, i want to feel empathy and guilt, i want to feel joy and happiness. i want to fix myself in any way i can. but so far all that i have read is that "sociopaths are dangerous and inherently evil, get away from them and stay away from them" and that there is no treatment nor any way to help. i need to know if i am doomed to be this way for the rest of my life, and if im REALLY a sociopath... :/

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