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Personality Disorder Message Board


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My friend, your life is what you make of it. There are some people whose lives you could examine and you would swear that they are a sociopath because the way they think and their behavior all points to it, however some of them are not true sociopaths they are "acting sociopaths" for lack of better terms.
Most have underlying issues (that they wont admit to neither to themselves nor anyone else which makes therapy very difficult). Most have control issues. Most have self esteem issues (of which a normal person wouldnt be able to tell because the acting sociopath has a personality that shows completely opposite). Most of the time they dont realize that they have them. Starting from a young age their behavior was positively reinforced and continued to do so for the rest of their lives which maintains and justifies the behavior. Many of them have ways that they avoid their conscious and do so subconsciously (like continuously smoking pot). I could go on and on...my point is: do not label yourself and stick yourself in a box or that label may define you. You do need a therapist and you need that therapist to help you understand why you make the decisions that you make NOT to label you to give you an excuse to do what you do. You acknowledged that you have a problem which is a HUGE step to changing your life and eventually getting some substantial fullfilment out of it. The key is to use therapy effectively. You are going because you want to go, because you want to change your life so aid the therapist in doing so. It will be your first instinct to reject ideas or get very defensive and deny ideas that your therapist may pose that make you feel in anyway not in control of your life. DO NOT try and convince them otherwise or manipulate them. Listen intensly to what they say...if there is something that you disagree with then take that info home with you and analyze it over and over again and try and find the root of it. You need to self reflect.

I have a friend that Ive known for 10 years almost. I also dated him. Your post was as if he was talking however he is not in an emotional state as to where he would put that much of himself out there. It is how I would describe him. There is not one other person in his life that knows or realizes the depths of his problems as I do. He has known people way longer then I and all they see is a charming guy who is selfish and sometimes an asshole cause he screws people over. They have NO idea of the personality disorders (narcissistic) or anything deeper then a superficial look. It is a shame that he will not change because he could be a great person and have a great life...instead he will end life with no emotional attachment to anyone...essentially he will have gone through and screwed over or hurt everyone that crosses his path and he will die alone. It is my hope that he someday will be in the position that you are now and want to get help. (at this point he would still see help as ridiculious and only for the weak.) He has an obsession with power and control because he has loved and lost. He doesnt like emotional pain that there for lives a life so that he never has to deal with it (this he would never admit).
Well I could go on and on but this would turn into a therapy session LOL but I wish you the best of luck and I am proud that you own up to your actions.
It is easier to live the life that you live know and it constitutes a weaker person then a person who lives right and deals with the humility of being a human being. True power, respect, and control come from a place where people want to follow you...not from a place where you make them.

Good Luck!
-Terri





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