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I was told about 4 years ago from someone online that they think I have BPD, I got mad and we ended up not communicating to one another. I dismissed the idea of me having that until recently. I have done research about the topic and here is what sounds a lot like me, I would love your input about if you think I do sound like I have it or not, I think I may have BPD (KIND advice please):
[U]impulsive actions[/U] - I have to buy a shirt when I am out at the mall
[U]unstable mood[/U] - I can go from being very happy at the slightest thing (like a rainbow) then I can get really depressed in a second.
[U]chaotic relationships[/U] - I have never been in love (I am 36) my last relationship (which was abusive) ended 10 years ago no I have not dated since
[U]Swing wildly from love to hate and back again[/U] - When someone is nice to me and treats me with respect I adore them but when someone is nasty to me (or I feel that they are) I get really angry.
[U]Needy[/U] - I can get this way sometimes
[U]frantically try to avoid real or imagined abandonment[/U] - I am so mortified of rejection cause my parents never wanted kids and they rejected me when I was homeless last year by not allowing me to stay at their home to stay or even allowing me to live in their back yard, in my tent
[U]see things in terms of extremes, either all good or all bad[/U] - my best (and only) friend has said this about me MANY TIMES.
[U]Feelings of emptiness and boredom[/U] - yeah I don't work I am afraid of working cause my last outburst cause I was being outcasted caused me to have a panic attack (and that co-worker called me names that I am not) and I walked out that was over 6 months ago, so I am stuck at home doing nothing feeling worthless. I can't even walk around cause this neighborhood is not safe, I don't drive and there is no bus line near by, my only friend works 40 hours a day and is tired a lot when she gets home, so I feel like a dog who needs to get out when its owner comes home.
[U]Frequent displays of inappropriate anger[/U] - yeah I cuss when I am mad I say things that I know I don't mean, when I feel I am verbally attacked I feel that I must verbally attack back, this is getting worse as I get older.
[U]Intolerance of being alone[/U] - I hate being outcasted and ignored by others I blame myself and wish I was not here when this happens (sometimes I get angry and say things I don't mean).
[U]Abandonment in childhood or adolescence[/U] - my mother is a Narcissistic who Ignores and she never spent quality time with me only to cook meals and give me medication when I got a cold and such. My father worked many hours so he could "buy" us happiness (which I think is null obvously never worked).
[U]Poor communication in the family[/U] - my parents never wanted to deal with any problems I had and they felt that the only way to make me happy was to buy things and I never wanted that. Their answer to any issues going on was "just avoid it, walk the other way" they did not care how hurt I was.
[U]abuse[/U] - emotional neglect and my mother become a drunk when I was 15, she would verbally abuse me.

So I really do think that I have this disorder, as I get older it seems to be getting worse.
I am on medication Xanax and Zoloft nightly (the generic of coarse).
The Zoloft has helped a lot with my OCD
my Xanax has helped me not to be so edgy.

From what I have described would you agree that I have BPD?
Thank you in advance for your KIND answers. :)
[QUOTE=The second mom;4305859]Hi, there are a couple of other questions you need to ask yourself as well: Do you have suicide tendencies? Do you cut yourself to get relieve of emotional pain? Do you "split"? See everything in bleck and white? If these answers are also in the affirmative, then yes, I think it is possible. What you then need, is to get structure in your life. You need boundries, disipline, stability. These conditions will make it much easier to manage your condition. The next thing is: you need to get professional help. Without that, it will be very difficult. What you can also do, is get a book called "Borderline for Dummies". That will give you in simple terms what the symptoms are, as well as how you can recognise and manage them. Other than that, you need the support of loved ones and family. Try to get a job, something to take your mind away from brooding, even a temp job. Earning money and not being dependant on others will give you a feeling of selfworth and freedom. All the best. Ask if you have more questions.[/QUOTE]
(((HUGS)) thank you so very much for all of your advice here. I do have suicidal tendancies and wants to be dead and I have seen things in black and white ever since I can remember it has made my best friend go bonkers sometimes cause of it.
I will def. check out that book. I am hoping to work with the state to help me get a job cause of this condition, panic disorder, anxiety, depression and Dsylexia. Being that I have no income right now they are the only one's who can help me with this issue.
Once again I greatly apprecaite your advice on this manner. Thank you for helping me:)

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