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Personality Disorder Message Board


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I have BPD. I'm 22 years old, was diagnosed with it around 18-19 years old. This is the one diagnosis I detest the most. It has such a bad rep. =/

I pretty much feel like a monster with all my diagnoses, but BPD makes me a monster. Reminder, I am talking about ME, not generalizing everyone with BPD as one. I know how much pain it causes to ourselves and everyone around us. I've done enough damage to myself and others. It's absolutely disgusting. I believe the only way for me to get better is to probably do DBT. The only thing stopping me from doing it is I do not like the therapists associated with it. You must see a therapist that is specifically at our local mental health association, and that is knowledgeable in BPD, and then attend the DBT group. You really don't have a choice at who you get to see... it sucks, and I feel isn't fair. I want to see someone I can click with, not because I'm forced to. Well there's my little rant. I see good days and bad. I love to talk to others.
I do see a therapist, psychologist and psychiatrist, and am on various drugs. I was mostly talking about DBT - basically the only therapy designed to help borderlines. I do click with my current therapist - he is amazing. What I was talking about referring to the DBT was that at our local mental health facility in order to be in the DBT group, you need to see someone who specializes in BPD and DBT. I have seen 3 different therapists at the local mental health, and I just not like them. I have an easier time talking to males, and there are no male therapists there that work with BPD and DBT. I don't think it's fair that I can't choose specifically who I want to work with.

I feel like I am a monster because of what I put my ex through, but of course he brought out the ugly in me at times. After he broke up with me, I've been in trouble legally. I feel like falling in love again is hopeless, and something that barely even interests me anymore. I am afraid that I will emotional blackmail and manipulate my next lover. I never intentionally did it, it would come out at my worse times. =/
Rainbowchicken,

I was diagnosis with BPD. Boy do I love this dx. Think not!!!! I hate the way I act and behave. I did take DBT in 1998 and graduated in 2000. I just can't stand like when my Mom tells me how to take care of my animals, say over and over the same things like I should do it this way or put the rack (oven) up one. I keep telling her what you think I'm retarded. She said "no." But I told her I hate when she does that. Goes in one ear and out the others. When people push my buttons then I really get angry The best book to read is "Stop Walking On Eggshells." and get the workbook by Marsha Linehan DBT one. You can practice it over and over. Two more books called
"Lost in the Mirror," It's about BPD and "I Hate You, Don't Leave me." I read a lot articles on the computer and self help books to help me understand. I was seeing a therapist while taking DBT and I'm currently seeing a regular therapist but thinking of seeing one that specialize in BPD, PTSD and abuse.
My therapist think it's not a good idea to talk about the past and work on what I can do when I have certain things done like Pap Smear, or EKG, etc. I'm thinking o finding another therapist.





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